For the background on the “B-Sides” series, click here.

The issue of fee increases can be a delicate one for many clients. Some become accustomed to their rate and lose site of the fact that their therapist has financial demands outside of the office. While some shrinks provide themselves with yearly raises, most of us keep our fees essentially steady and only increase to match the cost of living (if we raise them at all).

This is a short story I wrote years ago about a client who became very angry at me for increasing his fee and who definitely got his revenge for what he saw as unfair treatment. As always with the “B-Sides,” take the quality of writing with many large grains of incredibly strong salt, as I was just starting out:

Client: You’re raising your fee to $125? That’s more than a 10% increase!

Dr. Dobrenski: Yes, it is, I’m sorry.

Client: But most people only get a 5% raise per annum.

Dr. Dobrenski: I’ve never had a real job, so I don’t know if that is true or not, but your fee has been stable for 3 years. The rent on the office has gone up, as well as my living expenses. I’m not trying to raise your fee for the purposes of greed, but it’s not easy to keep up with the world’s price increases.

Client: This is an outrage. I never agreed to this policy.

Dr. Dobrenski: Yes, you did. You signed the consent form stating that this could happen at any time. I’m sorry that the policy doesn’t work in your favor right now, but surely your other doctors have a similar policy.

Client: Yes, they do, but they are real doctors.

Dr. Dobrenski: So because I’m not a physician I don’t have a right to a fee increase?

Client: This is ridiculous.

Dr. Dobrenski: I really don’t think it’s unfair to ask you to hold up your end of the agreement.

Client: You know what, here (taking out a bunch of hundreds). That’s $400: today’s session and an extra couple of hundred that you’ll probably need down the line, because you suck as a psychologist. I’m outta here.

He stormed out of the office, slamming the door so hard that a breeze almost blew the consent form out the window. The tension was still palpable as I sat there, wondering how things sputtered out of control so quickly. To calm the situation, I decided to grab a nice dinner (especially since I had some extra money to spend). I figured that if he came back to treatment, I would reimburse him for the excess payment.

Unfortunately, all of my friends and colleagues weren’t available for a meal on me (well, on the client who was now known as Mr. Generous/Angry), so I went alone. After gorging on Italian food, I went to a small wine bar near my office. I was still a little rattled from the controversy in the office, but that tension was soon replaced with anxiety/shock at the fact that a beautiful woman was walking toward me, sporting a large, seductive smile.

“Hi, I’m Dana.”

“Rob. I mean, I’m Rob. That’s my name. Rob.”

“Buy me a drink?”

3 glasses of very expensive wine (courtesy of Mr. Generous/Angry) later, she invited herself back to my apartment. Not being one to say no to such an unlikely offer, I accepted. I excused myself to use the men’s room before heading back to my place, thinking that today was, indeed, my lucky day. Extra income, solid handling of a confrontation in the office, a thick head of hair, and now a gorgeous woman wants to go home with me. “You, are a handsome, great man, Rob Dobrenski,” I said into the mirror.

When I came back out to the bar, it was empty. The place only holds about 10 people, but I was expecting to see at least one other person there: Dana. But no such luck. On the table, there was a note:

Rob,

Mrs. Generous/Angry

I went over to the bartender. “Mark, did you put that bottle of champagne on my tab?”

“Yeah.”

“Right. So…why?”

“The woman said that she was taking it back to your place and would meet you there. You said that you score with a lot of women.”

“Yes, that is true, I say that. But have you ever actually seen me with a woman?”

“No, but you said that once the book was published, you’d have tons of women to choose from.”

“THERE ISN’T ANY BOOK YET!”

Mark laughed. “Well, I guess you’re $200 in the hole until you become rich and famous. You want to put that on your Amex, get some bonus miles?”

“Sure.” Fuck you, Mark.

I concluded that Mr. Generous/Angry was truly diabolical. That was actually a fair amount of effort (in a very short period of time, no less) that he put in to teach me a lesson, and it didn’t even work. I wasn’t going to change my policy, because it’s not an unjust stance. However, the client did succeed in pissing me off (while taking back his money in the form of alcohol), and I’m sure many people who hate me are happy to hear such a wonderful ending. Clearly, behind every great man is an even greater (i.e., more evil) woman.

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I recently posted on Twitter that you might be a narcissist if you begin with the phrase “sorry for not having tweeted in so long.” In other words, if you see the absence of writing 140 characters worth of your thoughts as so egregious – that your readers will be insulted or offended or injured – to the point that it warrants an apology…well, you might want to consider if your self-esteem is a bit too high.

That said, I am now going to be completely and unabashedly hypocritical and apologize for not posting as much on this site. With the summer in full swing I’ve been attempting with varying degrees of success to be outdoors more often and less time watching babies get beaten up by balloons on YouTube. To wit:

In other news, the first draft of my book just came back from my editor today, so I need to start digging into that. She is a really great person to work with: polite, respectful of the work you put in, yet not hesitant to tell you what she thinks is off and needs to be edited down, expanded upon or simply cut out altogether. What I like most about her, however, is the fact that she poses her thoughts as questions for me to consider, rather than just saying “this is shit, get rid of it.” She makes me think about the book and its message, not just attempt to make it fit into the publishing world.

In her email today she gave me a few questions to think about going forward. I wanted to share those with you and welcome your emails/comments should you like to contribute. Not having read the actual book, you’ll need to focus more on what you know about me and my writing style and what I bring to this site, but your comments will still be more than welcome.

Here are her ideas, followed by some specific questions from me to you:

“The book is coming together very nicely. It’s really very powerful and touching throughout, peppered with lighter moments that most of us can relate to. You come across as very caring and approachable; a continual learner and a dedicated professional in an immensely challenging profession.

I’d like to ask you to think about a few things as we work together to further refine the ms for publication:

1) Is there enough balance between the serious stories and the more lighthearted ones? It’s a customary literary device to give the reader some comic relief after an especially harrowing episode.

2) I wondered if Sara, the widow, and Deb, the date rape victim, really fall under the umbrella term of “crazy.” You might clarify that because of their trauma, they have temporarily lost their “right minds,” or they’ve developed some behavior patterns outside of the “norm.” You handle this nicely in the conclusion, but an earlier acknowledgment could serve the book well.”

The book parallels this site very closely. Do you think ShrinkTalk gives a decent balance of humor/gravity? I know that sometimes I get hyper-preachy and go off on the field of psychology, but there’s not really any of that in the book. So that aside, when I write actual stories, do you get a sense that they alternate fairly well between light and heavy, or is it skewed?

Question 2 is perhaps more important. As a reader of this site, do you really, truly and earnestly, get me when I use the term “crazy,” or do I need to be clearer about what that means? I’m not concerned about someone picking up the book in the store, gasping at the title and saying, “why this boorish, attractive, not-yet-middle-aged man is simply making fun of the mentally ill. How dare he!” That’s fine and simply proof that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover or the sexy man on the book jacket. No, what is more important to me is that even after reading the book (or this site), do you truly grasp the concept that “crazy” is just simply code for “in pain,” and that everyone falls under that umbrella, or do I not convey that message clearly?

If I’ve failed thus far at showing how this notion of “crazy” is simply part of the human condition, speak up now, otherwise this book is sure to miss the sweet spot and fail. And make no mistake, that will mean a deep depression for yours truly where I will not shave, shower, talk or eat. I will cry pretty much incessantly (which is just slightly more than I do now) and I’ll hazard a guess that writing as a serious endeavor will be done forever. You don’t want that now, do you?

I never thought I’d get the chance to write a book, so I have to make this one count, and you’re invited to make a small contribution to that if you are interested. Thanks in advance for any thoughts you might have. As always, feel free to use the comments thread or, if you’re a little shy, email me at RDobrenski@aol.com.

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Read about the first anniversary here, the second here.

Last week, this site turned three years old. As always, thank you to everyone who reads, adds comments, sends me questions and salutations. It’s been a long road with almost 250 posts, and if you’ve read even one, you are awesome for taking time out of your schedule.

As a reward to you for being a dedicated reader I’m posting some hate mail that I found amusing. It’s actually two emails that I’ve combined for purposes of anonymity, but believe you me, the spirit of the vitriol is not lost. No commentary from me (well, one small comment at the end), just pure hate for your reading pleasure:

I’ve been reading your stuff for awhile now and I’m now realizing that you’re sort of an idiot. You’re a run-of-the-mill shrink who knows nothing about personality structure and your writing is utter crap. You are not on the same page as Tucker or Philalawyer–not even close–but the sad part is that you live in this delusional fantasy world where you’re so self-involved and your head is so far up your ass that you can’t see how out of your league you really are. You are an entitled, wanna-be frat boy* and when your book fails I’ll be the first to email you to remind you how much you suck. Please stop making the internet more toxic than it already is and take down your piece of shit site. Seriously, go fuck yourself and consider dying when you’re done. You’re like a dumb golden retriever and should be put down.

* I was actually kicked out of my fraternity after four days, so I suppose that comment could be considered true.

Happy Birthday, ShrinkTalk.Net!

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