On a regular basis I'm asked "What's it really like to be a shrink, to help people with problems all day, to listen to others pour their hearts out to you?" It can be many things: daunting, humbling, gratifying, inspiring, depressing, yet sometimes bizarre and humorous (to both my clients and me). I hope to debunk some myths and stigmas about therapy and clarify the nature of the therapeutic process. So read on to more fully understand what happens "on the couch," learn a bit about people and what makes them tick, and see that mental health treatment is not for the "weak or crazy."
UPDATE (2/3/10): Happy Birthday, Dr. Rob. A gift from my mother came in the mail today: powder blue, polyester pajamas with the pricetag in the pocket. Marshall's: $8. Thanks mom.
UPDATE (1/25/10): For all of you publishing folk out there, my book is being represented by Jon Sternfeld of the Irene Goodman Literary Agency. Don't hesitate to contact him. Mention my name and get a free T-Shirt!
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Overcoming a Phobia…Creatively
February 5th, 2010Years ago, I treated a woman in her mid-20’s whom I’ll call Tara. Tara suffered from a specific phobia: vomiting. The very idea of it caused her intense anxiety, and she had managed to avoid doing it her entire life. This isn’t an easy feat: by sheer luck she had never caught a stomach bug or flu or had gotten any type of food poisoning, nor had she ever thrown up in college from drinking too much alcohol.
Never threw up in college, I thought as she relayed this information to me. That’s practically a rite of passage! It should be a required, one-credit course for graduation.
Now some might argue against the notion that a fear of vomiting isn’t actually a problem. If it’s never happened and perhaps never will, so be it. It just means she’ll never get too drunk. And because no one actually enjoys vomiting, this point is granted.* However, as with all phobias, Tara was engaging in unnecessary avoidance behaviors. She was highly selective about her food choices, discriminately eliminating any ethnic foods for no truly justifiable reason. She avoided roller coasters despite the adrenaline rush she craved from them. She was invariably the Designated Driver when she went out with her friends and wouldn’t consume even a drop of champagne at a celebration for fear of what could happen. And because she was terrified of tripping her gag reflex, she wouldn’t eat things like lollipops and fudgecicles, even though she very much enjoyed the taste. As an added source of frustration, her fear of gagging lead to sexual difficulties as well (insert your own joke here, you pervert).
Most importantly, however, Tara needed to have a medical test completed that required a tube be inserted into her throat. For weeks she avoided having this done, to the point that her doctor called and offered her Valium to help take off the edge. No deal. So after some prodding by her family, she decided to seek help.
Dr. Rob Returns to the Media, This Time on the Radio
January 30th, 2010If you’ve been following the trainwreck that I sometimes refer to as “my career,” you know I recently appeared on television. That did not go quite as well as I had hoped. Fortunately, the good people at the Diva Toolbox were unaware of this media appearance and asked me to come on their radio show. Click here to access the broadcast (it’s episode 13 on the menu). I will say that, aside from the fact that I’m often speaking at such lightning fast speed as to render me almost unintelligible, this media appearance wasn’t nearly as bad as I would have predicted (you know, based on history).
Although the show is entitled “Dealing with Difficult People,” we covered a lot of topics over the course of 50 minutes. We discussed the book I’m writing, this website, how I lost one of my jobs because of this website, Valentine’s Day, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, how shrinks are generally neurotic people, romantic relationships, communication skills, how people don’t shut up enough and listen, just to name a few. And I must say that the host, Beverly Flaxington, is a class act and very nice woman. My understanding is that she has a very large online audience and she took her a significant amount of time to promote my material to them. So a very special thanks go out to her, and I hope you enjoy the show for at least as long as you feel like listening.
Some Seriously Cool Stuff I Learned at ‘One Day University’
January 27th, 2010I recently attended One Day University, a fantastic day-long series of lectures by top professors in various fields of study. I highly recommend checking it out if the event comes to your city. I’m going to share some of the tidbits I learned from two of the psychology-based lectures, and if enough requests come in, I’ll do my best to reach the professors who taught to give us more insight.
1) Dr. Catherine Sanderson of Amherst discussed the mind/body relationship. She addressed eating, pain/health and arousal and love. About these:
- the average college-aged woman wants to be 5’7’’ and 100 pounds. That body mass index meets the criteria for Anorexia Nervosa.
- when asked which of these four items would be most embarrassing to purchase: condoms, Snickers, tampons or a pregnancy test, most college-aged women picked the Snickers. In other words, you’re better off saying that you might have gotten knocked up rather than admitting you have a chocolate craving.
- when dating, both men and women eat less when they are with someone they find desirable. If not, food consumption increases. Why bother impressing someone you’re not interested in?
- when presented with a series of neutral words that suggest old-age (e.g., Florida, gray hair, Bingo), students actually walked more slowly from the experimenter’s room to the elevator. Their pace picked up later, but they were initially influenced by old-age stereotypes.
- people who own dogs live longer. The reasons for this are not entirely clear, but a few ideas are out there. One is that many dog owners walk their dog, which is a form of exercise and health promotion. Another is that a dog serves as a social lubricant, allowing for the creation of a greater support system. And finally dogs give unconditional love which can promote long-term health. Similar results were not found with other animals, so if you want to say a cat gives unconditional love as well, forget it. We all know that a cat is simply a glorified stuffed animal that hates you.
- people often misinterpret their physiological responses as arousal and love. When told to cross a bridge, men were met at the other side by a woman who gave them her number, “just in case they had any questions.” The men who walked over a solid, sturdy bridge (i.e., limited physiological response) rarely called the woman. However, the men who walked over a very shaky bridge (which generated the fear response) often called the woman within a few days. They paired the meeting of the woman with the arousal response and many believed they were experiencing the “love at first sight” phenomenon. Dr. Anderson promoted the idea of using a strong physiological response to help long-term romantic relationships. Her advice for couples is to go to a lot of amusement parks, take tango lessons, get cardiovascular exercise together and watch plenty of horror movies. You’ll use the arousal response to stay connected to your partner.
