I recently contributed to “Advice Uncensored,” a section of SavvyMiss.Com, for No Holds Barred advice for women. The question this week is “What Should You Never Ask on a First Date and Why?” You can read my response below. I felt the readers deserved some “less than traditional advice”:
When getting to know your date, it is important to utilize open-ended queries that allow him to reveal his personality. Avoid close-ended questions or those that have a forced choice. Better, “Tell me about the last stripper you dated,” than “Are looks important to you?” With the former, you are creating a format for an open dialogue with description and insight into your date’s preferences and dislikes. With the latter, you are pinning him down to a simple “yes/no” response with little to no room for expansion.
Of course, the content is as equally important as the style. As we all know, there are certain taboo questions on first dates: “How much money do you make?” or “Can you meet my parents tomorrow?” and “Don’t you hope I’m ovulating the first time we have sex? You know, about 11 months from now?” are all deal-breakers. These questions demonstrate shallowness, poor boundaries and prudishness, respectively.
Additionally, asking questions about topics that are unfamiliar or undesirable to the average man is ill-advised. “What brand of tampon did your last girlfriend use?” and “Which episode of The View last week was your favorite?” are examples of poor questioning.
They say never to discuss religion or politics in polite company. Beyond that and keeping in mind both style and content, I would avoid questions such as these, as they violate all the laws of good conversation:
“I don’t enjoy sex or sports, so would you rather spend today knitting a blanket or simply crocheting a shawl?”
“You don’t like beer do you? Because in our family we are only going to drink water.”
“How much are you going to spend on my engagement ring?”
“I have an excessively long menstrual cycle and refuse to take Motrin. Is this a problem?”
See how easy it is to make a good first impression?