Reuniting With Your First Love…on the Net

They say that you never forget your first love. And with the exception of yours truly, who would rather stick his tongue in a bear trap than even think about his high school girlfriend, many look back on their first romances with fond feelings. Although not everyone thinks of that relationship for more than a passing moment or so, some must wonder what it would be like to rekindle the romance they had when they were teenagers or college-aged.

Suppose for a minute that you could. What would that be like?

As of 2003, Dr. Nancy Kalish had studied over 2,000 “lost love” relationships. She said that three-quarters of first loves who reunite years later decide to stay together, even when the reunion begins as an adulterous affair. Normally, most marriages that begin as affairs terminate. How are these people reconnecting and why would the relationship work at a later date?

The web, of course, is where most of these meetings begin. When Dr. Kalish was doing her research in the early 2000’s, the most popular site for finding people from the past was Classmates.com. At that time, the site found that 36 percent of respondents had used the net to look up or contact a former significant other. And Dr. Kalish stated in an interview with the Boston Globe that while many people begin their search as simple curiosity, affairs can escalate quickly *. The interviewer, Carey Goldberg, noted an anonymous respondent from Dr. Kalish’s research to highlight this point:


“It’s like you’re falling in love all over again,” she said. Her first boyfriend found her on the web, and before she knew it, she was obsessed, and then lying to her husband, and then sexually unfaithful, and then caught by her husband – who, to her continuing gratitude, stuck with her instead of divorcing her.

Dr. Kalish brings up a very interesting point: “therapists tend to underestimate the powerful nature of such old loves, especially first loves. As a result, they tend to tell such patients that their feelings for their re-found loves are based on fantasy and that they can find the same feelings in their own marriages if they only try. But that fails to take into account that reunited lovers really do know and love each other, and a first love, in particular, remains unique. This is not about sex, it is not about the spouse or the marriage, it is not a midlife crisis,” she said. “The reunion is a continuation of a love that was interrupted.”

Carey Goldberg notes some research indicates that a teenager may attach specifically to a first lover in much the same way as a baby attaches to a mother. This hypothesis was given by Dr. Linda Waud, a Psychologist who wrote her dissertation on three reunited couples.

“There is an actual neurological attachment that happens between these individuals,” she said, “and that’s why it’s enduring and it never leaves your mind. It’s there forever and ever.” Interestingly, Dr. Waud herself reconnected with a long-lost love after 35 years apart.

In her in-depth interviews of the three couples, she noted that they had unusually intense sexual connections, which made her posit that sexual attachment may work with the same kind of specificity as baby-mother attachment.

Although a dissertation with only three couples makes generalization extremely difficult, she is onto something. I’ve made the very mistake that Dr. Kalish pointed out: that the former love is simply a fantasy and that one’s current relationship can satisfy this new need. And this is coming from someone who is not only a product of divorce, but someone who also spends most of his days thinking about why marriages fail, so I obviously thought I had some weight behind my advice. After I was wrong not once but three times with clients who ultimately chose to leave their marriage for their high school sweethearts, I had to rethink my position. There’s a possibility for a permanent footprint in your brain when it comes to your first love.
What does this mean for current relationships? With Facebook now in complete control of the human race, more and more people are reconnecting. Many will get back in touch with old flames, possibly their very first romance. Depending on how those conversations go – and yes, of course many of them will be simple hello’s and good-bye’s – casual chat may turn into flirtation, then a discussion about status and availability. And when the relationship moves from Facebook to IM to text to telephone and then to personal contact, the attachment that Dr. Waud talks about has perhaps manifested itself in a true rekindling of the romance, with much more backing than any affair could produce. For some, decisions will need to be made. If married, do I leave for what might be really ‘the one?’ Or do I stay and honor what I’ve agreed to while relinquishing what my mind had perhaps bonded to years ago?

Unfortunately I don’t have the answer to that question and I’m pretty sure that we could get a 50/50 breakdown if we asked enough people. Every person in this spot will need to answer it, however. And from what I’ve seen in my practice, it’s an agonizing choice, especially when the current relationship is at least somewhat satisfying. So essentially I’m along for the ride as people decide what is in their best interests as well as the other parties involved. This can take months, perhaps years, to weigh out the pros and cons, the practical and emotional changes involved in life-altering decisions like these, the risks involved in making the ‘wrong’ choice. In other words, watching a client grapple with a problem like this is very difficult to watch. Even if you think you know the right choice, you can’t give it to the client. He or she truly has to come to it via the self. It can’t be spoon fed. Some will leave their families and begin new lives with a former love, usually with a large amount of guilt. Others will stay put and feel that permanent imprint tugging at them. Either way, it’s not a particularly envious position in which to be.

If you enjoyed this piece please consider giving your blessing to my Facebook Fan Page. Thank you.

* I’d link to this specific article, written by Carey Goldberg, but it’s archived and you have to pay to read it. Hit up Globe.com if my piece doesn’t summarize it sufficiently for you or if you don’t mind spending the fee.

Related Post: Reuniting With Your First Love…On the Net (Revisited)

Update (11/20/13): I’m not sure if this is of interest to anyone, but I received this solicitation and agreed to post it. Consider it useful until early December, 2013:

Now Casting: People Looking For Missed Love Connections!

Do you believe that your one true love is actually someone from your past? Do you often think about “what could have been” with an old flame? Or perhaps someone that you met and felt the timing was off, but could have blossomed under different circumstances? Do you dream of reuniting with a high school or college boyfriend or girlfriend, but don’t know where to find them? Was there a person that you had a steamy vacation tryst with, but have never been able to track down?

If so, we want to hear from you! A major production company is casting for people who dream of working with an expert to make a love (re)connection with someone from their past. To learn more or refer a friend, please email us at MissedConnectionsCasting@gmail.com and a Casting Producer will be in touch ASAP.

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10,079 Responses to “Reuniting With Your First Love…on the Net”

  1. skeptic/sketch says:

    Geez… why all the attacking? It just makes me sad that this place isn’t what it used to be.. it was supportive before. Now it’s just a few people “trying” to support each other and somebody (or bodies) who are really, really pissed either at all of us and the reason we’re here, their spouse, their FL, perhaps both? But we’re all pissed at someone here! Don’t take it out on one person, please! This is where we’ve all come for support, not hatred!! :-(

    To Love.. thanks for the long explanation. I actually have to go back and see what I asked you now (to the previous page, or I’d scroll up and continue here).. But it looks like your FL really was “the one” in your mind for you all those years. Did she act like you were “the one” for her, too, and she hadn’t been able to get you out of her mind either? Sometimes I think one person maybe feels the other is their “true love” while that person doesn’t really feel the same. That was kind of the case with me. My Fl told me he’d never been able to lose his feelings for me. Difference is we saw each other at least every 5 years, sometimes more often… and I think that kind of reinforced it for him? Years ago, he actually made me nervous at our class reunions, cause I was happy with my husband then, and he would just have a way of watching me, etc, that made it obvious – to me, at least – how he felt… and I really didn’t want to go there. But see, it was his persistence that wore me down… and the way I knew he felt about me made me feel more for him than I ever had back then. So when my marriage was kind of at a pivotal moment (that empty nest time) and it seemed to me that fate had put him back in my life moreso (with emails following a friend’s death), I “allowed” myself to go there. I never would have gone there with anybody else, though. Even though I really never considered him my “true love,” I felt a deep connection to him that made me open my heart to him.. and he wormed his way in slowly. So mine may NOT be a typical FL or LL story, but he was my first boyfriend… and I think I was his FL. Call me a “user” or whatever you want, but it just happened. He was there, he’d loved me for 37 years or so, and I decided maybe I should give him a second chance – to see if maybe he WAS my “true love.” Turns out he wasn’t… because – though you may not want to “compare” your FL and your spouse, it’s only natural – it’s how someone treats you, makes you feel, that makes you compare – especially when you’re still married!! I actually think you might find when you look back at the end of your life that your wife was “the one” and your FL was simply that – your “first” love.. not your “true love” just as I think my FL will look back and see that his wife, not me, is his and he just didn’t see that cause he was so obsessed with the vision of the “young 15 y/o me” all those years he was with her.. ?? who knows?

  2. Di says:

    Skeptic Sketch…
    Yeah so sad.
    But the greats are still hanging on so I have hope that the positive will win in the end.
    No Up… actually I wasn’t referring to you.
    I’m Just aware of those that we must BEWARE of — you know, those lonely angry souls lurking in the shadows anonymously as they go back and forth piping up and then hiding behine anonymous and immature attacks, making judgmental and offensive comments that we all have basically learned to just ignore.
    That being said…. I agree….
    We all found this place when we were in pain. For whatever reason. And over the months and even years for some of us.. we have gone over and over our stories… sharing and growing and I for one, know that I am very different than I was four years ago. If we can help someone just finding this place to understand that this is survivable and that there are even happy endings in some cases. When I came here, my life was turned upside down, and I could talk to NO one in my life. My situation was so against everything I’d ever stood for. And yet, so many here have said the exact same thing. So many had very similar circumstances… in a marriage that wasn’t horrible, not enough to end it… and WHAM we were blindsided by the reconnection that we’d never even imagined happening. In one second my brain slid out of my head and my heart took over for a good year… I was looking for different things when I first found this place.
    Now four years later, you’d think that things in my heart would be different… but I still think about my fl everyday and so I come here for support and to connect with others in the same situation.
    And so many here I have grown to really care about.
    But I will tell you one thing. I don’t really care what people think anymore and for as much as I genuinely appreciate the ones I have grown close to… the random insults make me sad, not for me but for the one who is so invested in attacking people hiding behind a keyboard… I am sure the attacks are not just here either… I am sure that the one who is attacking is doing it on other sites… and i feel sorry for people that feel the need to be so mean spirited. But like I suggest to those who don’t want to read whatever I write.. just ignore… because after this one last post referring to this subject… I am going to ignore all the trolls from now on.

  3. Di says:

    Have Faith,
    Yeah I don’t know either… but lets just ignore and keep supporting each other! Because it really helps hearing each other’s perspectives! I think inside my head I have said YES! To a lot of great statements that I have read and really make me think. We really are stronger and better for having found each other and just having a place to work things out. I have done a total 180 in certain instances by listening to intelligent people thinking out loud and sharing their stories. And I thank you guys for being there for me a million times over the years.
    xoxo

  4. LNC says:

    After a GREAT Friday night chat with FL, I now feel crushed. He went out with his Wife (who he is supposedly leaving) and from what I heard they had a great time. I am angry and really crushed but should I really be?! I still date my husband at times even though we are working towards separation. I shouldn’t be feeling this bad but I AM!!! Does this make me nuts?!? I feel crazy…I feel CRUSHED!

  5. Di says:

    LNC
    you aren’t crazy! But this whole thing is crazy making! My fl had been separated from his fl for 20 years when we he contacted me. He is financially secure and she is not and so to help her out with the kids and insurance for herself and their kids they just never got divorced.
    His story was that she was not well and that he owed her. God only knows what he did in the twenty years they were married to feel as if he owed her. I asked a little about it… But to be honest, I figured that unless or until I was seriously considering a future with him, it was none of my business.
    But I really relate with your feelings of being crushed because even though I was still living with my husband, trying to make my own marriage work and carrying on with my fl in the capacity that we were…. I was always very jealous whenever he’d have to meet with his wife for something. Once he treated his adult children and his wife to a day at Disneyland, sending me photos all day and thanking me that because of “me” he was able to be a different person (whatever that meant) and enjoy a day at Disneyland. His wife knew about me at the time and was supposedly supporting our reconnection and happy for him saying that she’d always felt extremely guilty that she couldn’t give him more but kept him hanging on because of her own financial needs.
    She kept track of all of his bank accounts etc… which I wasn’t aware of until one of the times we met, he mentioned that “she” would see his transactions for that day. I was horrified that he still had her on his bank accounts! But then who was I to question “their” ways… ?
    So don’t feel crazy. The whole situation is crazy. My fl used to say “How do you think I feel knowing you are sleeping in the same bed with another man?
    Well… I’d been sleeping next to him long before you entered the picture! And I am supposed to feel guilty? But I did. Feeling the way I did on both counts. My poor clueless husband and my poor fl (even though he found me and interrupted my life as I knew it) who I took responsibility of giving some hope to.
    I used to not take any of the blame… and to all of our defense, it is so complicated and confusing!!!! But I know I made mistakes.
    But I sooo relate to how you are feeling. Crushed and confused describes it pretty well. I remember. Even now 4 years later, two years of almost no contact, except for a recent 4 sentence condolence exchange (because his dad just died) I go look at his facebook page every now and then and feel a twinge when he “friends” a new woman, coworker or not… I still notice.

  6. Anon says:

    She lies too. She was referring to Up or she wouldn’t have written it like that unless, of course, she was on her phone…she did mean Up & Down.

    As I said, Di is a piece of work.

  7. Casey says:

    I’m not here to call you out Di but I read that as a specific reference to Up and Down. I can see why she and others interpreted it that way. Had you not capitalized the U and the D specifically, I may have glossed right over that. I agree that this place has been absolutely invaluable to me and I know to others as well. To those who are here genuinely looking for support and and guidance, keep posting. Yes, there are people here who are angry. Probably not so much at us directly as at life, their situations, or whatever. Don’t take anything too personally. This is the internet, keep the advice that helps and ignore everything else. LNC, you are NOT crazy. This FL thing is soooo difficult. Keep sharing here. You will feel less nuts in just having this place as an outlet and sounding board. Many of us here have been at this for a long time. At the beginning of the reconnection, it is so fiery and so disconcerting that people end up doing things and feeling things that are uncharacteristic. It happens. Don’t beat yourself or your FL up too much. Just try to remain calm and think things through before acting or reacting…

  8. Di says:

    Casey you are right. But it is kind of no different… You don’t want to call me out… but you did… and I have to admit that with all of the anonymously posted posts lately, it is a hard call to make. I have my guesses. And I don’t necesarrily think that one is not the other. Just as my writing style is evident, there are some long time posters here that all are so similar it is hard to not recognize them. Anonymous or not. That being said, I just am tired of the fight. So decided not to pursue anything.
    The thing that might help everyone is to realize… that there is one sad, lonely, and or angry person at one desk on one keyboard at a time, writing these very juvenile attacks anonymously to whoever they decide to target. It’s not as if there is a team of mean girls. It is one person at a time, and as I said, whatever the reason probably not just here. And it is somebody who has been here a while… But when the response came, I’d already decided to ignore… so I tried to dissengage what I’d already thrown out. But seriously I am at a loss and don’t really care. I mean most of us are over forty. I can’t imagine behaving this way with my friends even in my twenties. This is just crazy. The one or maybe two here who just randomly ARE the ones throwing out their little hate bombs hopefully are real Trolls that are ten… not grown women that have shared their stories here.

  9. Up&Down says:

    Casey, Have Faith and Anon, I send out my thanks.

    Di, the comments you made to Casey are part of the reason I believe you leave yourself open to the people taking digs at you – even TLWR has taken a few. You don’t like me – that’s fine; you don’t have to but I can assure you I am neither sad, lonely or angry.

    I believe it’s the passive aggressive, sanctimonious tone in your post I find most offensive. You can correct me if I’m reading that wrong.

  10. Casey says:

    Di, just own what you said. That’s all. I’m not taking sides or trying to be mean. You don’t need to attack. You accused Up and Down of being one of the trolls. She came on here and answered you directly without any pretense. Just as you are protective of your friends, I am too. Because I am 51 years old, I am able to call a spade a spade. If I had a private way to communicate to you, I would have pulled you aside and told you flat out that I thought you were wrong. Not having that remedy available to me, I did what I thought next best and that was to KINDLY say that I too, read your Up and Down comment as a “call out”. Now, after your comments, I have no alternative to respond just as bluntly as you did.

  11. Complicated says:

    LNC – you have a right to feel whatever way you want it do. That being said, without being too specific as someone on here seems to allude to the fact they know who someone is (the one with all the blue hyperlinks) I was dating my current H and still do family things and vice versa and we were clearly separated. I never slept with ex-husband either. Just doing things to keep the kids on an even keel.

    But I do understand. That’s why we are here – to give you another perspective:)

  12. Di says:

    Casey,
    I am not attacking… I have my doubts of who is who and the anonymous posts that are being made to seem like several different people when I’m not buying it. I suppose I could have said: “yes that is what I was insinuating” but Up & Down gave a decent response and I just didn’t want to keep the negativity going by saying “Yeah we have had some negative exchanges that weren’t very nice in the past, and maybe I did think that the attacks were from you.” If they are not then I apologize because I remember a few years ago when I came back from being away from ST and being accused of being someone that caused drama that I didn’t even know who they were talking about but my name was attached. So I know it doesn’t feel great to be accused of something if you really “never” participated in. But really how does anyone prove they are who they say they are? A guy can be posting as a woman or a woman can be posting as a guy or some sad person who is just lonely could have stumbled on this site and started attacking under some name not even understanding what we are about. Casey, I wasn’t trying to lie. I really was trying to just diffuse the situation that I stupidly put out there without giving it more thought.

  13. Di says:

    Complicated,
    I had to go back and read what you were talking about and I think that is spam. And I am not even sure that they are from this country or they may just have random statements attached to their spam.
    I don’t think I would worry too much – but I see what you mean! That is a strange comment!

  14. Have Faith says:

    LNC
    As Complicated said – you have a right to feel anyway you want to feel. Whatever feelings you have are not crazy.

    Can I ask you to clarify what you mean when you say you and your husband are working towards a separation? Does this mean you are already separated and that you are considering making it permanent? When you say you are still going on dates with your husband that is the impression I am getting.

    When you say your FL is supposedly leaving his wife I imagine this is what he has promised you. Is this dependent on whether or not you and your husband separate or are there other issues in their relationship that are causing him to consider leaving? Obviously you are hoping that you and your FL have a future together, or you wouldn’t be so upset at learning he and his wife went out and had a good time. Without really knowing what the situation is it’s difficult to give advice.

    Complicated – that is a strange message attached to that spam, but it’s probably just a random comment.

  15. skeptic/sketch says:

    PLEASE! Can I just come on here as a peacemaker… a liason of sorts? OK, so SOMEBODY out there absolutely, positive HATES Di….. and everybody got roweled up when Di accused Up of being this anonymous poster – this poster who is someone who has been here for a long time, knows people on here – yet refuses to say who they are? Yet – AS this anonymous poster says outright MEAN remarks about Di and other people on here, too – I do remember snide remarks about several people, actually! I can’t help but think if somebody was saying such mean things about my comments, I might just accuse whoever seemed to possibly BE that person? Nothing against you, Up – but WHO THE HELL IS ANON? And WHY are we fighting on here? Seriously!! WHY? I just don’t get it.. We’re not in high school, most of usare over 40… a lot over 50.. many 60 plus, like me! Can’t we all just act like adults and bring this place back to the supportive place it once was? I really don’t care to have to try to figure out who this “Anon” is, and what Di apparently did to piss her off!! Angry attacks are just unnecessary! If we all were in school, this would surely be a case of “bullying” don’t you think?? I think our parents said it right – “if you don’t have something nice to say about somebody, just say nothing at all!!” Didn’t we all come here cause these situations have us all “down” anyway? We come here for comfort and support and to support each other in these mixed up situations – not to end up in the middle of a “mean girls” fight – or to figure out the mystery of “who is Anon?” (If you ARE an old poster here, Anon, why not just post as who you are? Why the mystery? Why do you want to take out your frustrations on us?) So PLease! Anon, whoever you are…. quit hiding and just post as yourself! Enough is enough!!

  16. skeptic/sketch says:

    *positively hates Di… I’ll apologize for my mistakes, and I’m not even on my phone! 😉

  17. fl-man says:

    Hate to butt into this ongoing argument over hate messages but even i am going to post annon.

    Over the years I’ve had my own share of relationships with of course “up’s / down’s”. I’m currently single and have been by choice for many years now (over 5).
    For some reason I had wanted to connect with my first real relationship, but never had any success in locating her. We had not stayed in touch and did not “end” on good terms. I treated her HORRIBLY back then and she would have every right to NEVER want to hear my name again, and that would be 100% JUSTIFIED.
    For what it’s worth, I have since grown up, and would NEVER treat someone like I did her. My treatment is an embarrassment to who I am today. Today, if I knew of a male treating a woman like I did her, i would want to kill the bastard, so trust me when I say it was HORRIBLE.

    Out of the blue, I spotted a facebook message saying someone wanted to be friends. I knew the name as it was HER! – I was shocked, surprised and excited all at the same time. The request was at least a day old, but I immediately responded and started checking out her profile. You know pictures, and family status which was not listed.

    We have been in near constant contact since and even met in person at a public place on Saturday. Come to learn and neither of us understand why, but it felt like we never missed a beat. I come here and that seems to be a common thing, but I still can’ grasp why that is.

    When first conversing I learned that she was in fact married, and I would NEVER attempt to hinder that. However, looking back (some things changed) there would NOT be any possible way to not hinder that! – We have only met that one time thus far, but I have learned that should we ever meet at a not so public place, neither of us would have any control.

    I feel for others who have posted and are in relationships. This meeting has way more power than anyone can imagine. As it turns out, while they are still living together (separate rooms) their marriage is all but over, so we are blessed with not having to deal with that.

    I am blown away by my own ability to quickly say I am ALL IN! – to my surprise, she is also willing. Neither of us are complaining and seem to be on cloud 9. However, there is one huge hurdle from her perspective as my prior treatment towards her was so bad she is afraid (rightfully so). Because she is willing to spend time with me however, I am extremely confident that she will QUICKLY learn that I am not that horrible person anymore.

    I REALLY want to be the person that makes her happy, and by doing that I will be happy. Obviously, neither of us have had any success in the “relationship” department since we are both single (well may as well be). Unlike our teenage relationship ( I could have been 14 years old, but no older than 15 when we met), I will make the relationship a priority. We have not seen or spoken with each other in about 32 years and I had no idea that she would even consider speaking with me again. Let alone dating. For anyone else doing this, I have to say this is possibly the happiest time of my life! However, we did just meet Saturday night and it’s just Monday now, but the glass looks full to me!

    I have to say, that something I felt to make me want to look her up very well could have been a broken heart and really, “WE” have been living our live with broken heart’s. EVERYTHING MUTUALLY CHANGED upon eye sight for our meeting. I have not historically been a touchy feely person, but I simply can’t get enough of her. She admitted yesterday that she was weak in her knees during our meeting. At the time of the meeting of course we were both on good behavior so I had no clue at the time. This is without question an extremely joyful time for us.

  18. Di says:

    fl man
    What a great story! Thank you for Sharing and welcome!
    If you guys have kids, they are all grown? My only advice is to take it slow. Get to know each other. This time is so precious. I can tell you from experience that when my fl and I were first reconnecting, forgiveness was an incredible high that can’t be explained. You both will never be the same. By the way nothing is more refreshing nor affirming than a guy who grows up and realizes his wrongs and wants to make it right! Good luck to you two!
    S/S Thank you!!!!

  19. Have Faith says:

    Fl Man
    Did you have a question or did you just want to share? Everythings seems to working out well for you so far. Your FL must have forgiven you. Im surprised you found this site so quickly after meeting your FL for the first time.

  20. Di says:

    Have Faith,
    Your questioning made me curious and so I googled:
    Reconnecting with your first love on facebook
    And our board here at ST came up second.
    Not sure if that is because I come here more often but I found it interesting because after I’d said I googled it a few days ago and it came right up, I googled it again and it wasn’t right at the top. And then I googled that line about facebook and it was up there again. I’d be interested to see if ST comes up for you higher to the top of your search engine if you google: Reconnecting with your first love on facebook
    Anyway, when I did that, I found this new link that I thought I’d share. I never noticed it before… thought you guys would find it intersting.

    http://www.cbsnews.com/news/rekindling-first-loves-later-in-life/

  21. Have Faith says:

    It depends on tthe search engine and on the terms. When I tried the other day ST came up at #1.That was using the word reuniting. I think when I originally found this place it was after an exhaustive search. At the time I was trying to find a reason for the feelings I was having and found this place and thought Wow! Maybe I’m not so crazy. Or at leastthere are others who are the same kind of crazy!!

  22. Di says:

    LOL. Me too Have Faith!
    That article that I posted was just from this year. Kind of interesting. Worth the read when you have time. We are not alone!

  23. Hannah says:

    It is great to be able to find this site at the beginning of a reconnect when one is trying to figure out why they can still have such strong feelings for someone who they have not seen for ages. I am not necessarily here for “help” per se, but it seems to be one of the only places to be able to discuss and share a FL relationship with others who actually “get it” and understand the confusion of loving both a spouse and a FL at the same time. I truly never chose to be in this situation, and had I know this was going to eventually happen I would have tried my hardest to make my original relationship with my FL work, despite the distance, and sorrow, and other things that seemed like huge barriers when we were 19 and 20. I was also told over and over again by well intentioned adults, like my mom and aunts, that I would meet someone and fall in love again, that there were other fish in the sea, and that it was unrealistic to expect a marriage to my HS sweetheart to last since we were so young.

    Now I know differently. I feel like my FL is a part of my family, and also in some ways like a part of me. I’ve mentioned on the other forum that it felt like I had an amputated part of my body grow back when we reconnected in 2014. I am pretty sure that this is not a normal thing that I would experience if I was in an EA with anyone else, even with any other person from my past, for example any make friends from my youth, of which I had many.

    So not to go off topic from anyone else’s posts from the last day or two. But I’m hoping that maybe others’ experiences may resonate with mine.

  24. Heartsick says:

    Anon- I notice that all you do is come on here to criticize, talk down to people, call them pieces of work, liars, etc. Now who are you? You don’t even have the guts to say why you are here, what your story is or anything! You must have some reason you’re on here constantly, let’s have it ……..or are you too scared that you’ll be the one getting criticized if you do? You must be a miserable person, maybe you should take a look in the mirror, the mirror never lies.

  25. fl-man says:

    BTW: No no questions (if someone knows of a question or two I should have, by all means let me know), just sharing and really BLOWN away by so many others success. My search phrase was simple and prepopulated suggestions came up where I selected one after starting my initial search. This site was 2nd or third, but I have read just about every link from the results on the first couple of pages.
    The exact search was: can high school sweethearts reunite after 30 years

    I never had any children and her 2 are grown with one having about 1 year left at home.

    We both work a lot so no chance at this moving really fast, but as I said earlier I’m all in.

    I generally question most new relationships and with them all being no-go I did so with good reason. For some reason I just don’t question this one. It is still very new (sorta)

  26. LNC says:

    Have Faith- I am living with my husband until I find a job and then a place I can afford in the area. I have taken my rings off and such. Yes we went to the beach as a family but I did not really interact with/enjoy his company. My FL told me weeksa ago he was out looking for a ace for his wife to move in. Things between us were great and conversation was pretty constant until his anniversary date on Saturday night. Now he has not talked to me since and from what I understand she has said that she is very much still in love and that she had a wonderful time Saturday night. My only thought now is maybe he has changed his mind about her because they had a great few days which is 100% honest happening I would wish them luck however I know the cycle. My only thought now is maybe he has changed his mind about her because they had a great few days which is 100% honest happening I would wish them luck however I know the cycle

  27. LNC says:

    And he will come back running to me within a week or two when things get back to their normal dysfunction and I just don’t want to do this Mary-go-around anymore.

  28. Anonymous says:

    Update – not much to say except FL did call me on Friday and we talked about his problems. Seems like W is still crazy and that had him out if it for a while until she bounced back into normalcy.

    There is a pattern when he and W are going through their dysfunction, he doesn’t call unless I happen to be in same city. I wonder why? Seems like that is when you’d need to talk.

    Anyway, he did not ask why I hadn’t been answering – only asked if I had received his messages and I replied I had.

    It appeared he needed to get off phone, but he asked if everything was okay with me. I told him I would talk to him about me when we had more time. He said no, he could listen, but we had talked for almost an hour and I needed to get back to work. He said he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to talk over the weekend. And, he probably didn’t think I could talk yesterday as it was a holiday.

    So that’s my update for now. No games:)

  29. Complicated says:

    That was me. My name was there prior to posting.

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