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As of 2003, Dr, BUY BUSPAR NO PRESCRIPTION. BUSPAR alternatives, Nancy Kalish had studied over 2,000 "lost love" relationships. She said that three-quarters of first loves who reunite years later decide to stay together, BUSPAR duration, even when the reunion begins as an adulterous affair. Doses BUSPAR work, Normally, most marriages that begin as affairs terminate. How are these people reconnecting and why would the relationship work at a later date, japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal. BUY BUSPAR NO PRESCRIPTION, The web, of course, is where most of these meetings begin. When Dr. BUSPAR recreational, Kalish was doing her research in the early 2000's, the most popular site for finding people from the past was At that time, BUSPAR without prescription, the site found that 36 percent of respondents had used the net to look up or contact a former significant other. Purchase BUSPAR online no prescription, And Dr. Kalish stated in an interview with the Boston Globe that while many people begin their search as simple curiosity, affairs can escalate quickly *, BUY BUSPAR NO PRESCRIPTION. The interviewer, Carey Goldberg, buy no prescription BUSPAR online, noted an anonymous respondent from Dr. Purchase BUSPAR for sale, Kalish's research to highlight this point:

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Dr, BUSPAR gel, ointment, cream, pill, spray, continuous-release, extended-release. BUY BUSPAR NO PRESCRIPTION, Kalish brings up a very interesting point: "therapists tend to underestimate the powerful nature of such old loves, especially first loves. As a result, Buy cheap BUSPAR no rx, they tend to tell such patients that their feelings for their re-found loves are based on fantasy and that they can find the same feelings in their own marriages if they only try. But that fails to take into account that reunited lovers really do know and love each other, and a first love, BUSPAR class, in particular, Real brand BUSPAR online, remains unique. This is not about sex, it is not about the spouse or the marriage, buy BUSPAR from canada, it is not a midlife crisis, No prescription BUSPAR online, " she said. "The reunion is a continuation of a love that was interrupted."

Carey Goldberg notes some research indicates that a teenager may attach specifically to a first lover in much the same way as a baby attaches to a mother. This hypothesis was given by Dr, BUY BUSPAR NO PRESCRIPTION. Linda Waud, BUSPAR no prescription, a Psychologist who wrote her dissertation on three reunited couples. BUSPAR price, "There is an actual neurological attachment that happens between these individuals," she said, "and that's why it's enduring and it never leaves your mind, where can i cheapest BUSPAR online. It's there forever and ever." Interestingly, BUSPAR trusted pharmacy reviews, Dr. Waud herself reconnected with a long-lost love after 35 years apart. BUY BUSPAR NO PRESCRIPTION, In her in-depth interviews of the three couples, she noted that they had unusually intense sexual connections, which made her posit that sexual attachment may work with the same kind of specificity as baby-mother attachment.

Although a dissertation with only three couples makes generalization extremely difficult, where can i find BUSPAR online, she is onto something. Is BUSPAR addictive, I've made the very mistake that Dr. Kalish pointed out: that the former love is simply a fantasy and that one's current relationship can satisfy this new need. And this is coming from someone who is not only a product of divorce, BUSPAR dangers, but someone who also spends most of his days thinking about why marriages fail, BUSPAR dose, so I obviously thought I had some weight behind my advice. After I was wrong not once but three times with clients who ultimately chose to leave their marriage for their high school sweethearts, I had to rethink my position, BUY BUSPAR NO PRESCRIPTION. There's a possibility for a permanent footprint in your brain when it comes to your first love.
What does this mean for current relationships, BUSPAR reviews. With Facebook now in complete control of the human race, BUSPAR forum, more and more people are reconnecting. Many will get back in touch with old flames, possibly their very first romance, BUSPAR street price. BUY BUSPAR NO PRESCRIPTION, Depending on how those conversations go - and yes, of course many of them will be simple hello's and good-bye's - casual chat may turn into flirtation, then a discussion about status and availability. And when the relationship moves from Facebook to IM to text to telephone and then to personal contact, BUSPAR use, the attachment that Dr. Waud talks about has perhaps manifested itself in a true rekindling of the romance, with much more backing than any affair could produce, where can i buy cheapest BUSPAR online. For some, decisions will need to be made. If married, do I leave for what might be really 'the one?' Or do I stay and honor what I've agreed to while relinquishing what my mind had perhaps bonded to years ago?

Unfortunately I don't have the answer to that question and I'm pretty sure that we could get a 50/50 breakdown if we asked enough people. Every person in this spot will need to answer it, however, BUY BUSPAR NO PRESCRIPTION. And from what I've seen in my practice, it's an agonizing choice, especially when the current relationship is at least somewhat satisfying. So essentially I'm along for the ride as people decide what is in their best interests as well as the other parties involved. This can take months, perhaps years, to weigh out the pros and cons, the practical and emotional changes involved in life-altering decisions like these, the risks involved in making the 'wrong' choice. In other words, watching a client grapple with a problem like this is very difficult to watch. BUY BUSPAR NO PRESCRIPTION, Even if you think you know the right choice, you can't give it to the client. He or she truly has to come to it via the self. It can't be spoon fed. Some will leave their families and begin new lives with a former love, usually with a large amount of guilt. Others will stay put and feel that permanent imprint tugging at them. Either way, it's not a particularly envious position in which to be, BUY BUSPAR NO PRESCRIPTION.

If you enjoyed this piece please consider giving your blessing to my Facebook Fan Page. Thank you.

* I'd link to this specific article, written by Carey Goldberg, but it's archived and you have to pay to read it. Hit up if my piece doesn't summarize it sufficiently for you or if you don't mind spending the fee.

Related Post: Reuniting With Your First Love...On the Net (Revisited)

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  1. PleaseGodCanIBeWithLL says:

    Tell us more of your story!

  2. Pragmatic Dreamer says:

    Sketch– RE: “Also, it’s kind of like an ongoing story here… people come, people go, but the stories continue.. and I always had a hard time walking out in the middle of a story! :-)

    :-D I love this, Sketch! …SO TRUE… I think, most especially for those like us who don’t get anything even CLOSE to resembling an ending (closure) –let alone a HAPPY one. :-(

    So, Please & JohnD, keep us posted on how your contacts with your FLs are going, please. It is very comforting to know that there ARE people in the world who are capable of “toughing it out,” and working through all of the complicated issues in order to keep a connection to someone with whom you share a genuine love –instead of the “cut & run” tactics that are so painful.

    ~Signing off …for at least awhile.

  3. WILLIAM says:

    Busy with work right now, but still wanted to share this:

    Reunited…62 years later!

  4. WILLIAM says:

    Interesting comment underneath the above link:

    “What a sweet story. My dear husband of 31 years passed away this year. We had a wonderful service for him a week ago. He married the love of his life at age 19- She left him within theyfirst year. He always wondered why. Even thougth he went on to marry again and have families, he never really got over his first love who broke his heart, He died not knowing the answer to why his first love left him. He tried to contact her recently, she never replied to the question he has had for 65 years. I wonder myself. He was an excellent and loving husband to me.

    8 Oct 2013 8:36 PM


  5. PleaseGodCanIBeWithLL says:

    Love reading stories about reunited couples. Gives me hope.

  6. PleaseGodCanIBeWithLL says:


    LL just referred to his GF as “My lovely, amazing and talented girlfriend”

    Is he trying to push me away? Or convince himself that she is enough for him?

  7. PleaseGodCanIBeWithLL says:

    Of course later in the same message he talked about maybe begging her for “private time” this weekend. (We have previously discussed how he has to beg for s.e.x., but when he and I had those conversations we use the term “private time”.)

  8. PleaseGodCanIBeWithLL says:

    I guess she can be lovely, amazing, and talented, without meaning he feels any less for me.

    My husband is amazing and talented, but I still feel more for LL. You can’t force yourself to feel things that aren’t there.

  9. PleaseGodCanIBeWithLL says:

    I’m bummed because I was feeling good all week from him saying he wants me to smile and be proud of him. Guess I had to come down from that high eventually.

  10. skeptic/sketch says:

    Hang in there, Please God.. it really is hard “sharing” – I remember that so well.. but in the place you are right now, that’s all you can do. Still…. ugh!

  11. PleaseGodCanIBeWithLL says:

    I have to remember that the fact that LL and I are in regular contact is amazing. A few months ago, I never could have imagined this. It is a beautiful thing.

  12. WILLIAM says:


    “LL just referred to his GF as ‘My lovely, amazing and talented girlfriend’
    Is he trying to push me away? Or convince himself that she is enough for him?”

    [He might be trying to do both! The mind trying to convince the heart that it has to be that way!]

    “I guess she can be lovely, amazing, and talented, without meaning he feels any less for me.

    My husband is amazing and talented, but I still feel more for LL. You can’t force yourself to feel things that aren’t there.”

    [No doubt. I keep telling myself that I SHOULD love so-and-so (a few of the others) more than FL…and MY MIND totally understands why that should be the case. But MY HEART just will not agree. It still keeps aching for her…]

    “I’m bummed because I was feeling good all week from him saying he wants me to smile and be proud of him. Guess I had to come down from that high eventually.”

    [Oh yeah, occasional high then many more lows…but at least you have a dialogue back-and-forth. I wonder if such a dialogue would be at all helpful in my case. I don’t think so at this point. At least you know that your FL does LOVE you. But if I definitely knew that about mine, it might make my thoughts/feelings even worse (more regret for potential family life together lost)…and if I definitely knew that her feelings were LESS than what I originally thought, it might leave me in even worse shape! (I’m not sure how my heart would respond to anything these days) So I guess it is better to not know (either way) in my case, at least for now. Oh well, you could make an argument either way. I guess the grass is always greener…]


    I thought of some of you on here this weekend, with how certain music sometimes comes on at certain times. Just when I thought that maybe I was just imagining that it was happening a lot…well, after about a week of nothing came two more “signs”: “What Is Life” right before the lyrics at the beginning, right when I turned on the 70s Music Choice…and then, the next day, “You Are The Woman” right at the beginning, right as I turned the radio to my favorite station (from another spot on the dial), RIGHT WHEN I pulled up in front of my house after work!

    So therefore…yep, crazy me still feels like my FL and I aren’t done. I don’t think it will necessarily be any kind of romantic involvement, and it might not even be in this lifetime…but I still feel like we have some kind of soul connection!

  13. PleaseGodCanIBeWithLL says:

    Thank you William for your input.

    I wish I knew for sure that LL still loves me the way he did back then (or even more now!). I can assume he does from some things he’s said, but he’s never come out and said it. When I sent him a message on his 40th birthday, breaking the NC that he started over a year before that, and the end I laid out all my feelings for him. The tone of the message was kind of like a goodbye. But he surprised me by writing back. Then I took a week to reply to his message. Then I heard nothing from him. Then on the 20th anniversary of the day we met, I felt the need to mark the day and connect told him about in his birthday message (he loves Jeeps). He wrote back an hour later and that started this current reconnect. Anyway, he knows what my feelings are. I think it’s hard for him to put it into words and put it out there, because then it’s out there and he can’t run from it or hide from it as easily. I really hope he still wants to meet up during his Thanksgiving break. I think if he sees me face to face, he will have to admit his true feelings. Unless he is totally grossed out by how much weight I’ve put on since the last time we saw each other. Then maybe my grossness will be the final nail in the coffin and he can totally get over me. I know that sounds shallow, but LL and his dad both are disgusted by fat people. LL’s dad made LL’s mom promise when they first got married that she would never get fat. And from pictures I’ve seen, she’s kept that promise. When LL told me about that when we were dating, I really thought that was an awful thing for a man to make a woman promise. And it planted a seed of insecurity in me. But my heart really believes (or maybe my heart really hopes) that when he sees me that my fatness won’t matter because we are connected heart and soul and that is what is important. My biggest fear is that maybe I our connection won’t be enough and that my fatness will be an issue and turn him off/turn him away from me.

  14. PleaseGodCanIBeWithLL says:

    Here is the part of the message I sent to LL on his 40th birthday:

    I hope you can feel my love for you and it brings you some comfort. It is always there, always has been, and always will be. Time or circumstances will never take it away. It transcends those. It is no ordinary love. Nothing else in the world compares to it. I have stopped fighting it and running from it and faced these truths. There is a certain kind of freedom in that, regardless of anything else.

    On this day and always, may you be blessed, know Peace, be happy, and feel loved.

    I will love you forever.

  15. Don't Do It says:

    Please God,

    I just felt the need to respond to some of your comments above. I hope you don’t feel “gross” about your weight yourself. I was pretty heavy for a long time. Weird, because my husband’s mom was very obese. He told me when we were dating he would divorce me if I got fat. (Very shallow, but I didn’t plan on getting fat so I didn’t worry much about it.)

    The thing is I got fat and he didn’t divorce me or ever really seem turned off by it. Maybe subconsciously I was testing him. I don’t know. He got heavy too. It seems to happen to a lot of people.

    I lost 60 pounds after reconnecting with my FL. The thing is it didn’t seem like I was doing it for him. I really had no plan to see him at that point. There was just something inside me that felt like I owed it to his memory of me to get rid of that weight. When it was all said and done though, I realized it was my memory of me I owed it to (FL just reminded me of who I had once been).

    I still need to lose 25 pounds. But, when I mention that to FL he says “no you’re perfect the way you are.” You know what? I didn’t notice it until last week, but he’s put on some pounds too. I’ve seen him several times now and just noticed this last time that his hair isn’t curly anymore. It used to be so curly, but it’s straight and even receding a bit and I didn’t even notice.
    It’s all beyond the physical appearance I think. We see each other’s souls and that’s where the beauty of a person is hidden.

    It’s the weirdest thing. When I look at him, my mind plays tricks on me. He’s still that teenage boy with a little bit of the middle aged man superimposed over the top.

    There are other similarities in our experiences too. My FL hasn’t told me he still loves me but I know he does. I’ve told him on several occasions. We’ve seen each other many times. He’s told me many things that equal I love you but he can’t bring himself to say it. I’ve thought about it a lot. I think he’s afraid to tell me because he thinks this is all a repeat of the past. Last time he admitted how much I meant to him, I broke up with him. Also, he’s worried about me wanting solutions. Once he admits he loves me, what happens. He thinks I will want to make plans that he doesn’t think I’m really ready to make.

    When you do see him in person, your love will be the most evident thing in the world to you both. The first time he hugged me, our love for each other was so thick you could physically feel it. I’ve never felt so completely loved before in my life. They can’t say the words sometimes, but they can’t hide their feelings when they stare into our eyes or hold us in their arms.

    I hope you do get to see him at Thanksgiving.

  16. JohnD says:

    Update- She still has the same feelings for me! Holy crap! What have we done? She was passing through my town, but was too scared to see me. She thought I wouldn’t like her appearance- PleaseGod. I don’t know how to get it through her head that this is a matter of the heart. You are right people, this is very complicated. Married with kids on each side. How are we supposed to navigate through all of this? She claims she loves her husband, but he doesn’t appreciate her. I make her happy but she is really confused and I think she has low self esteem and anxiety. She was blindsided by all of my feelings and had no idea that I have always felt that way over the years. The kids are probably the real issue, and I don’t know how to handle that. So what we have are 4 people who aren’t completely happy with kids caught in the middle. What is one to do? I don’t know when we will be able to see each other, but this has all happened fairly quickly in just a matter of months. We have a very intense connection and it’s amazingly right and wrong at the same time.

  17. Don't Do It says:


    “It’s amazingly right and wrong at the same time.” Exactly. That’s the best way I’ve seen it stated. It feels “right”. It’s that feeling that gets us in trouble. I don’t feel guilty for anything with FL. Except maybe for not feeling guilty. Entitlement. Like I belong to him and that’s the way it’s always been and anything that keeps us apart is wrong.

    I encourage you both to take a step back and take time to process some of those feelings before moving in any direction.

    So, did you see her or just talk her? How far away from each other do you live?

  18. JohnD says:

    We live several states away, this is through talking. I think she probably feels more guilt than I do, I kind of do feel entitled. I think that is a very accurate description. I think she has taken a lot of time to process the feelings and that’s why they are just now coming out. We know we are both trapped right now, but I don’t think this is going to stop us from moving forward.

  19. PleaseGodCanIBeWithLL says:

    @JohnD…so happy for you that you know for sure about your LLs feelings for you!!! I agree with Don’t Do It…take a step back and time to process what you are feeling. Making rash decisions in this situation probably isn’t the best idea. In the meantime, work on getting to know your LL again and re-building a friendship. I too feel totally entitled to my LL and love your phrasing of it being amazingly right and wrong at the same time. Maybe God allowed our spouses to be in place to protect us somehow, like to keep us from going too far into things with our LLs. And to help us to take our time and not go diving right in without thinking and being totally sure? I know for me when I was dating LL, I was so consumed by my feelings for him, I couldn’t focus on God or others very much. I was living a life out of balance.

    @Don’t Do It Isn’t it funny how similar our situations are? I do feel grossed out when I look in the mirror, but I’m working on it. My husband doesn’t love me any less, but he wishes I were healthier. About 2.5 years ago I started losing weight, because I realized how bad I looked and unhealthy I was. This was before I contacted LL for the first time. I was doing it for both him and me. I lost 40 pounds. LL and I had that first reconnect and then NC and that really hit me hard. I ended up gaining back 30 of what I had lost. I started losing again this summer and am down another 10. Still would like to lose 30 more. It is so hard in your 40s to lose weight. I need to start the walking thing. Don’t know how much I can realistically lose before Thanksgiving though. I really want to see LL, but I’m sorta hoping that he will want to do the meeting on his Christmas break instead. lol That will buy me some more time. But then I think, maybe it will be good if he sees me the way I am now and then I can either find out that it’s not a big deal and that will take the pressure off me, or it is a big deal and I will be crushed. I really hope when he looks at me it will be like you described, seeing your young LL with the current LL superimposed on top. How surreal that must be!!

  20. Don't Do It says:

    John, I’m trying to remember but can’t. I think you said you’ve been in some contact with her but haven’t directly discussed your feelings until now. Is that correct?

    I really did not think at all before I contacted my FL a year ago. I spent about two weeks thinking of him non-stop. I didn’t think it would lead to anything except me telling him how sorry I was and finding out how his life had turned out. Once we did talk though, it was out of control fast. We did say goodbye after a week and I thought “whew….that was scary” But, we didn’t stay out of contact for long and here we are a year later and can’t stay away from each other. I see the disaster that is coming but can’t seem to see a way to avoid it.

    It is exactly the feeling that we are soul mates, that we are meant to be together and that we deserve to be together. It seems like something that is meant to be should be a lot easier.

    Please God,

    It does seem like we have a lot in common. I’ve found that a lot on this forum. I felt the same way you do about wanting to put it off a bit so I could get in better shape. In our first phone conversation my FL said, “run away for a week to Hawaii with me.” He was only about half kidding. I was terrified that he wanted to see me so badly. I knew I couldn’t let him see me the way I was. I don’t know if it would have made a difference to him. However, we were off and on with contact/no contact from last August to this April and it did give me the time to lose a lot of the weight.

    I can tell you losing the weight made it easier for me to see him but I really don’t think it would have mattered to him at all.

    When was the last time you saw your LL? It had been 33 1/2 years since we saw each other. We were both floored by how familiar everything was. That was very surreal. His voice, his laugh, his smile, his eyes, the way he moves. It took me by surprise. I was speechless for a bit. So was he. Also, the things we both remember about each other. He remembers things about me that I had totally forgotten. It really is wonderful to see them, but so over powering.

  21. JohnD says:

    Don’t Do, PG, it’s amazing how similar my feelings are with yours and others. I believed she was my soul mate the moment we met a long time ago. It is an indescribable feeling, and yes, we have had limited contact over the years, but this time, it has intensified dramatically and we can’t deny it any longer.

  22. PleaseGodCanIBeWithLL says:

    @Don’t Do It, LL and I have been broken up 17 years and haven’t seen each other for 15 years.

    @John D, you wrote, “it has intensified dramatically and we can’t deny it any longer.” That reminds me of a snippet of lyrics from “I Know You’re out There Somewhere” by the Moody Blues:

    The words that I remember
    From my childhood still are true
    That there’s none so blind
    As those who will not see
    And to those who lack the courage
    And say it’s dangerous to try
    Well they just don’t know
    That love eternal will not be denied.

  23. Bob says:

    PD, thank you for your advise & the concern you showed for my situation. I can clearly see that you are a compassionate person & those who know you must truly be blessed. The explanations you gave as to why my FL never responded all make sense. Yet I still remain troubled that she didn’t care enough to respond. The only thing that makes sense is that her husband (my boyhood friend) intercepted the letter and that she never received it. This may be the case, but it seems like it could not be the case. The reason I write this is because I mailed the letter to her place of work (writing attention: FL on the outside of the envelope). I suppose it’s possible that someone in the mailroom (where she worked at the time) was “snoopie”, & opened the envelope & read the letter —- then they did not give it to her, but gave it to her husband. She did live in a small city (about 7,000 people), & I suppose this could have happened. The biggest frustration I have is the continual dreams I have of her —— if I could make it through a week without dreaming about her, and then 2 weeks, & then 3 weeks, and then 3 months, and then a year, and then 5 years —– then I believe I could live without noticing a piece of my heart was missing. Well, I have to get ready to leave for work. Have a good week and take care!

  24. skeptic/sketch says:

    *sigh* there’s those moddy blues again… <3 …

  25. skeptic/sketch says:

    Moody Blues.. can ya tell I’m tired and don’t feel good? But I still never miss a chance to listen to a MD song when presented with it!

  26. FirstLove says:

    My first love and I met when we were 18. I am a white American Christian, he was at the time an Egyptian Muslim (he has become a US citizen since then). We only parted ways because he got accepted to a master’s program on the east coast (we were on the west coast). It was a very sad day when he left. Fast forward 5 years and he contacted me, and flew out to see me even though I told him I was in a relationship. We just stayed up and talked all night, and then he went back. We never slept together. Fast forward 12 years and we ran into each other again thanks to social media. He had gotten married, had two children, and gotten divorced. I am newly out of a LTR. So we are both single, but living on different coasts. He confessed to me that he loved me back then, he still loved me, and that he’d love me until the day he dies. I told him I was afraid to admit I loved him when we were 18 also. We were young and afraid. Now, here is my quandry. He and I have been talking about marriage and kids. I want kids, I’d love to have them with him, but he’s Muslim and said that they’d have to be raised in his faith. He’s a bad Muslim…he drinks when the mood hits him and sometimes smokes at 4:20, and he’s had premarital sex…all of those things are forbidden in Islam. Ironically, he and I have never slept together. Although, now that we are grown up the urge is sooooooo powerful that both of us can barely stand it, esp. since we both admitted to how we really felt all these years. He said the kids could still celebrate Christmas and Easter, but I want them to know Christ….. WHY is God doing this to me?! Why would he bring this man back into my life repeatedly and make him love me the way he does only to throw this curveball at me? Any advice??? I love him, but I am not sure I could survive raising children with him and always feeling like an outsider..and I am NOT converting.

  27. WILLIAM says:


    Thanks for that song by the Moodys!

    I remember it, but only vaguely…and of course I never paid much attention to the lyrics. So much on point for any of our situations!

    It’s funny, because when I came home from church this weekend, Roxanne by the Police was being played on my favorite radio station (and was nearly over). I thought about how certain songs come on right when I head out or arrive (and usually right when I am in need of a “sign”)…but how at most other times songs have little or nothing to do with this subject. Roxanne was definitely not on topic, but I figured I’d wait a few seconds to hear what came on next…and sure enough it was “If You Leave Me Now”! (another song that made me think of this forum)

    Not only do I pay attention to the lyrics of EVERYTHING these days, I also try to “size up” every song I hear as to whether it should go into my ever-growing LL music file! It is amazing just how many songs really are applicable. I always knew that many/even most songs dealt with the topic of love, but I didn’t realize that so many were about heartbreak. Maybe it was just because I never could TRULY relate to them until now! None of my “heartbreak” was ever as deep and as far-reaching as these recent feelings have been…and all this over a girl that I “lost” over two decades ago! (my FL) I sure didn’t see this coming…

  28. FirstLove says:

    Ohh…a few more things. Some of my stupid friends suggested he wanted me to get his citizenship. He became a citizen on his own. They also suggested that because he is Egyptian by birth that he is a scammer and only wants my money. Uhmm..false again. He has a very successful career and owns two businesses on the side. He has plenty of money. I think he just honestly and truly loves me.

  29. WILLIAM says:

    “WHY is God doing this to me?! Why would he bring this man back into my life repeatedly and make him love me the way he does only to throw this curveball at me? Any advice??? I love him, but I am not sure I could survive raising children with him and always feeling like an outsider..and I am NOT converting.”


    I haven’t finished telling the more detailed religious part of my long FL story…BUT my instincts seem to tell me that if not for the major religious/cultural differences between me and my FL, we’d probably be together this very day. That being said, I really don’t have any advice to give you…because I really feel that God wanted to test me with this predicament. I have asked Him “Why” too many times to count! All I can say is that I truly can feel your pain.

  30. FirstLove says:

    Thank you William. I’m sorry you are going through something similar. It is gut wrenching. I feel like I will lose no matter what. I either lose by marrying him and continuing going to church and living a church life completely different from him and our future children, or I lose by having to walk away from it all because I can’t deal with it.

  31. PleaseGodCanIBeWithLL says:

    @First Love,
    Maybe God wants to use you to lead your LL to Christ.

  32. FirstLove says:

    I’ve never looked at it from that point of view. I’m not even sure how I could do that….but I suppose it’s possible. Although I never thought I would see him again when I was 18 and he keeps popping up in my life. There has to be a bigger reason for it that I do not fully understand yet. Maybe I will never understand. But I have to believe that it is more than a coincidence. Besides, I don’t even really believe in coincidence….

    Thanks for the input! :)

  33. WILLIAM says:

    “@First Love,
    Maybe God wants to use you to lead your LL to Christ.”

    I remember thinking that my FL might truly love me, and would therefore “switch” religions for me…but that was what was in my mind as a naive 15 year old. I really had little knowledge of religions and their differences, and I would learn MUCH LATER (after the reconnection) what God knew about my FL with respect to her religion (and what I didn’t). So I don’t think it would have been possible in my case, unless I did the switching!

    But every situation is different…what PG said is definitely POSSIBLE (even if very unlikely).

  34. FirstLove says:

    I totally get it William…I just keep thinking in my head, “this is 2014 and religion is still a barrier between couples?” To me it just seems ridiculous. I’m feeling very confused. And he’s coming to see me in November or December and we’re definitely going to be intimate… so that will most certainly make things LESS confusing and difficult! Wrong. :P

  35. Bob says:

    Love is a many splendor thing! I heard that song & thought about it the other day when viewing a portion of the movie on tv. I wonder many times if it was worth it? To explain, I mean: if I could go back in time and I had the choice of falling in love w/ my first love, would I do it? Part of me would say, “no”; that is, I would have chose not to pursue her and rather chosen not to even develop a steady relationship at that stage in my life —- I was a senior in high school & a freshman in college when I was “steady” w/ my first love). The reason I say “no” is that the pain of being separated from her (for going on 33 years now) is unbearable. And the pain didn’t just begin recently, I have always “ached” to be with her. At the same time, it would be difficult not to fall in love with (& establish a relationship w/ her) her because she is and possesses all those wonderful things that “drew me to her”. That’s me! The other night I dreamed about her again. I want to say that most of my dreams about her are not sexual in nature. There are times (when in my dreams of her) I am embracing her or “necking” with her, but rarely do the dreams include sex. In this dream the other night, we (my fl & I) were talking while we were sitting together in a moving van. It was strange because her husband (my boyhood friend) and my wife were also in the van. Yet in the dream we were able to freely talk and share our feelings for one another. In this dream she was telling me that she also missed me all these years & that she never stopped loving me. I woke up shortly thereafter. This always seems to happen. It’s as if my dreams are just that – a dream —- they don’t reflect reality. In reality this could never happen. It goes against all reason. Although you would like your spouses to allow and encourage such a conversation to take place, this would probably never happen. Too move on, I remember about 25 years ago. I met a man (named Jay). Jay was in his early 80′s at the time. One day Jay told me he received another letter from a girl friend; a girl friend he had in high school. You have to remember, Jay was in his 80′s (82 years old, maybe). He said, “how can a girl friend I had in high school – some 65 years ago – still have feelings for me? Jay informed me that his high school girlfriend had written him some 5 or 6 times down through the years. He told me “it used to make his wife “Novalene” angry, but the recent letter simply seemed to confound both he & his wife. Jay asked me what I thought. I said to him, “well, true love never dies — at least this is what I’ve always heard”. I didn’t tell him that I was in the same shoes as his high school girlfriend. That was all I could say to him because I didn’t feel courageous enough to share with him that I too “knew where his high school girlfriend was coming from”. This elderly man’s high school girlfriend still longed to be with Jay even after the passing of 64 years! It has now been 33 years for me! Yet I also still long to be with my high school sweetheart (my first love).

    Now some thoughts on some of your situations:
    in regards to establishing a relationship w/ someone of a different religion. I would recommend against it. Having said that, I would encourage you to share Christ with him. Invest some prayer into it, and do it —– share Christ. In my opinion, religion is not the answer to sin —- only Christ is the answer. It could be that God put you in his life so that you could introduce him to Jesus. Also understand that he probably will not respond well the first time you share Christ with him. Be patient! Understand that most people want to “do something” to earn God’s favor. People don’t realize that there is nothing that can be done to earn God’s mercy —– the only thing that can be done is to receive His mercy — receive his grace! It’s been my experience that when people establish a relationship and they are of different “faiths” it almost always means that one person in the relationship almost always either leaves their faith, or they only participate in it to a very limited degree. I know it’s difficult because love is involved. Yet your love may be the greatest asset you have in your efforts to introduce him to Christ. God bless you and understand I only mean to offer some help in my advice.

  36. PleaseGodCanIBeWithLL says:

    @ Bob, brother, you said it perfectly to First Love!! I second what you said!

    So did Jay have no feelings at all for his highs school GF? :(

  37. Anonymous says:

    First Love -

    I debated about posting a response, but thought this may give you other insight. I would differ with Bob’s response regarding relationships which share different religions. At age 19, I was in a similar situation. The difference is that I am Jewish and he is a Moslem Palestinian. There are Christian Palestinians, as well, but he is not one of them. The religion really never played a part in the relationship because neither tried to change the other. Being strong in beliefs yet weak in structural practice, most likely helped. As for children, each would accept contact with both faiths and would not have had a problem appearing together as a family unit, so long as the people were welcoming. I think this may be where your relationship differs. If both of you will not compromise, there can be a lot of hard feelings in the future. Determine what is more important, the relationship or compromising on the practice of your faith. I said the practice, not your independent beliefs. If you are not able to communicate now, you never will get past that stumbling block.

    Unfortunately, basic couple communication was our issue. All relationships thrive on open and honest communication. I mean totally and brutally honest. I also think each side needs to have an unconditional desire to give as well. That’s something the realtionship always had. Love is very much like a circle, when you give of yourself unconditionally, it automatically comes back to you.

    As for the issues of a green card, you should plan to visit and see for yourself if he is being truthful. Our relationship ended 11 years after it began. Communication would have helped in avoiding so many hurt feelings. Take your time and REALLY get to know this individual. Make sure there is an expectation that both will be open and totally honest. Have him promise you that he will always be honest with you. If he will not keep this promise, move on. This is a discussion that I wish I had years ago. The problem was not with honesty, it was opening up to the other person. Also, never read into the other’s thoughts or body language. Ask. Made that mistake so many times. If you pursue this relationship, set it up so that it will succeed.
    Compromise is also key to a healthy relationship. Are you both willing to compromise on things that are important to you both? If he loves you, he will give in to make you happy, and you will do the same.

  38. Bob says:

    I don’t think Jay had any feelings at all for the girl he dated in high school. He was amused & perplexed at why & how she could still be in love with her for approx 65 years. It seems to me that it would have helpful if Jay would have wrote her back (at least once —- after all, she wrote him 5 or 6 times down through the years) at least once & explained to her that he never loved her and that he was very much in love with his wife (his wife of some 60 years). To me it seemed like the obvious answer and thing for Jay to do. But for some reason Jay never felt either obligated or the need to respond to any of her letters. I only wrote my FL once, and i still would like a response from her. I almost feel like that is the least she could do!

  39. FirstLove says:

    I appreciate your response Bob and Anonymous. Thank you for taking the time to respond. With regards to the green card….he became a citizen years ago and he and I have known each other almost 18 years. We dated almost a year before he moved to the east coast. I’m freaking out a little tonight because he wants to skype and we haven’t actually seen each other in 12 years. You’re right about the communication aspect (obviously). I have been pressing him on difficult topics lately…mainly religion….and he’s been really sweet about it. I am just going to keep pressing though because I have been sweet talked before and I want to make sure that he won’t get angry with me, and to make sure (as much that is possible) that he isn’t just giving me lip service. He is very handsome and charming. Most of them are. He could sell ice to an eskimo, so I am just going to take my time and think very hard about what you said Anonymous. The relationship or compromising on the practice of faith. I keep asking myself, “why can’t we just BE?” Why does there have to even be this issue? It seems so STUPID…why can’t two people just love each other and be happy?

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