“Reuniting With Your First Love…on the Net” Revisited

When you use WordPress to power your website, there is a feature which allows you to see search terms people have used to find your site. When people aren’t using the word “shrink” in a different context (e.g., “will my penis shrink if I have too much sex?”), I’m often found by name and the topic of a certain article or post I’ve written yakari hörbuch kostenlos. Other times, they use my name and creative phrasing, such as “Dr. Rob is a narcissist,” or “Rob Dobrenski bad writer and shrink.” Most recently, three people used the phrase “Rob Dobrenski, gay.” Why they included a comma in the search is unclear at this time emergency vollversion kostenlos downloaden.

With this in mind, there has been of pattern of search terms related to a post I wrote a few months back, “Reuniting with Your First Love…on the Net.” To wit:

Is reuniting with first loves dangerous
Should I reconnect with a lover from years ago
Saw my first for the first time in years
Meeting lost love after 35 years because of Facebook
Leaving husband for first love
Imprint of first love
“First love” attachment
Reuniting Love
Talking to my First Love on Facebook

Clearly this phenomenon is impacting many people’s lives rakuten tv filme downloaden. And in addition to the hits on the article, I actually get a fair amount of emails asking for flat-out advice on whether or not a person should leave a marriage for a former love Download files via putty. It’s flattering to think that someone might consider my opinion on a life-altering decision, but this is problematic. Not because I don’t want to help, but because I simply don’t know the answer kostenlose powerpoint zum herunterladen.

If you want to be able to consider/discuss this topic intelligently, the most important point to remember is that no one knows the answer (I’m looking at you, people who have emailed me with “the answer”) solitaire spielen kostenlos. The people who have this delusional hubris of “I know what to do!” are the extremists: the hardcore anti-divorce groups – or, to a lesser degree, those who think everyone simply suffers from the “grass is always greener” phenomenon – and those who believe that everyone should just “follow their hearts,” regardless of the consequences symbole für verknüpfungen herunterladen. For everyone else, it’s an extremely complicated and nuanced decision that can take months or perhaps years to decide. Children, finances, realistic/unrealistic expectations for the current relationship/possible new one, and impact on family/friends are just a few of the factors that people need to consider gta 4 free full pc german chip. Those who say otherwise are simply proselytizing and oversimplifying the problem. If you “know” the answer, I’m sorry to inform you that you’re not working with a complete understanding of how psychology works herunterladen.

In many ways my original post on the topic is inadequate. It doesn’t give any real answers because the choice will vary from person to person kostenlos youtube filmeen. And like most, I’d love to have instant gratification, that ability to take a complex problem, crunch the numbers and pop out an answer that can be bottled for everyone’s consumption. Unfortunately, that’s not happening, and that inability to say “just do this…” is an extremely difficult aspect of my job to swallow.

If you’re one of the people who are looking for help with this problem, seek out people you can trust to give you guidance and balanced perceptions. Don’t struggle through this decision alone. And if you’re on the listening end of this conversation, do just that: listen. Save your knowledge and opinions until they are solicited. Judging and being officious isn’t helpful, it’s simply pushing your own personal agenda, especially when you can never really know what the best choice is for the person sitting in front of you.

If you enjoyed this piece please consider giving your blessing to my Facebook Fan Page. Thank you.

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89 Responses to ““Reuniting With Your First Love…on the Net” Revisited”

  1. BB says:

    I reconnected with my LL eight months ago. We met when we were 11 but my family moved away and they didn’t approve of him so we had to keep our relationship under the radar. It was too hard. The distance, my parents. Too many obstacles. He went away to the military and we lost contact, but I have loved him all my life. Never forgot him. We reconnected once before…about 10 years later. He was married with a small child then and I was single. He wanted to leave and move to where I was living and I wanted him so badly, but I ended the contact and let him go because I didn’t want to break up his family. Fast-forward 9 more years. I am in a LTR with my partner for the last 9 years, we have a young child. I looked him up on FB and saw that my LL was divorced. I sent him a message. I knew what I was doing when I sent that FB message. I knew he would still be in love with me and I knew I was still in love with him. We started an affair. I love him–he loves me. Nothing has changed. He wanted to get married. I wanted that too, but I was on the fence. I felt like I owed it to my partner and child to at least try to fix my relationship. My LL grew impatient waiting for me to end my relationship and he ended it with me about a month ago. I know it’s for the best and it gives me some time to sort our my true feelings without the pressure of my LL waiting for me. My partner knows about the affair and we’re in counseling but I don’t feel like it’s helping. I constantly, obsessively think of my LL and I can’t seem to reconnect in any meaningful way with my partner. I feel like I’m cheating on my LL. That he (LL) is my primary relationship and that my partner is the affair. Twisted! I know.

  2. Don't Do It says:

    BB I understand the LL seeming like the primary relationship. I was with my FL for one summer 34 years ago, I hadn’t seen or spoken to him in 31 years until last summer. I’ve been married to my husband for 30 years. Yet, somehow it seems as if I belong to my first love, not my husband. It is the most confusing feeling in all of this.

    How can the memory of a boy I loved for three months all those years ago seem more important than the reality of the man who has stuck by my side through thick and thin for over 30 years?

    It has to be some kind of temporary insanity (I hope it’s temporary). I just have to ignore the feeling, tell myself it can’t be real, and distance myself from any contact with my FL.

  3. K says:

    I know exactly what u are going through, when u have these strong feelings it’s etched in your brain and there’s no getting rid of it no matter how hard u tell yourself to get over it! I know your exact pain I’m feeling the same and I don’t know how to handle it or get past it… They say its a bond that u formed a bond when your young, like a bond a child has with their own mother. Sounds strange but I can see the simulatities. It’s like replacing someone close in your family but u know u only feel connected to one person and u can’t place those connections to another person that u have formed the original bond with.

  4. Don't Do It says:

    K, yes, exactly. I tried to explain the way it felt to my FL. He was a little put off when I told him it reminded me of feelings that I have for my cousins. Those people who I shared my childhood with who will always be part of who I am. They helped form who I am. I can go years without talking to them and yet the minute I do reconnect with them we are the same kids we used to be.

    The FL is all of that innocence of my childhood along with the awakening of my sexuality. The first person who really valued me as a woman. I’m not sure if the biggest draw is remembering how much I loved him or how much he loved me.

    It really does help to talk to all of you about it. I really have felt like I was crazy and alone in all of this. Today I’m feeling I can resist the temptation to contact him as long as I can talk about it.

  5. K says:

    Mine fl told me that some day we might be able to see each other again. Don’t know what that really means, u can’t hold on to false hopes, but I told him back in an email that yeah we don’t know what the future holds. Sometimes u wish life had a crystal ball to see what lays ahead!!

  6. Don't Do It says:

    You don’t know what the future holds but in my experience if either of you are married it will only make it worse if you see each other.

    I saw my FL a couple of weeks ago for the first time since we were teenagers. He was in town and called to see if he could stop by my office and see me. I was ecstatic. What could happen at my office with dozens of people around? A lot….. the emotions of one hug were overwhelming to both of us. Everything about him was so familiar. We met two more times while he was in town. Kissed, held hands, hugged. All more than my conscience can handle now. That’s when I knew we could never be “friends”.

    It has to end right there. Any further contact can no longer be classified as curiosity or a “mistake”. I know what I’m dealing with now and am totally 100% responsible for whatever actions I take. Hind sight is 20/20 but if you can find the strength to STOP right now, it will be a lot easier than after you see him.

  7. Anonymous says:

    I understand what u are going through, we have been emailing back and forth for about nine months, no other contact, we know it would be a huge explosion if we did see each other! So yeah like a lion tasting blood, once it’s done its hard to go back!

  8. Elle says:

    There was this guy named Jimmy that lived a few houses down from me and I went to school with him and everything, all kids would go down to the bus stop and talk and wait for the bus and he would be there. I really liked him even though I was extremely shy and allegric to people expectally boys, I was a bullied victim and had always hid behind my hair. So many boys didn’t really go for me, or like me, I was just the nice quiet girl that people can wave to and leave alone. But then, he was different, he ignored all my flaws or just accepted them, he would walk up to me and give me that million dollar smile, and he would hug me and hug me and hug me out of nowwhere and “try” to hold my hand mostly everyday, a lot. And at the time, I thought it was weird and uncomfortable since that had never happened before and all. But now I regret it so much, I would give anything to see him again. He was the funniest, cutest, nicest guy I have ever met and I screwed it up by being too shy. Though I think that’s why he seemed to always want to be near me. He was also my brother’s friend which had me backing out of liking him.
    I remember he would just look me in the eye and ask, “Why are you so shy?” With a smile. I would be too shy to answer and he would add, “Not that its bad… its cute.” . And he would make other boys back off away from me. He had been the only person willing and wanting to sit by me on the bus, he was always smiling and laughting. The last time I saw him was when I stayed with my friend at night while my mom and siblings were away, st that time a party was going on but we didn’t want to go. He and his older brother Roylan was heading to it when they saw us, they didn’t want to go to the party anymore but instead hang out with us, which made me secretly happy.
    We takled and talked but I was too shy to say anything so I just sit there and listened, he was just staring at me too, sitting close and just staring. I was freaking out In nervousness and felt dizzy from my face flushing so much.
    After that a few days later, he moved away suddenly. And I found myself just looking down the street at his house in silence, just wishing I could take back everything and tell him my feeling.
    Im eighteen right now and im sure he is around that age since we went to middle school together. I tried finding him on facebook many times but there are sooo many people on it named Jimmy. I went to see him, find him, something…I can officially say he is my first love and I regret not telling him how much I liked him. I regret and dream of “what I should have done” in those moments he was near me.
    To all that have a love like this and they are there for you, don’t hold back your feeling or anything, or you will be like me…and regret it later.

  9. missinghim says:

    I’ve only written once before. It’s now been almost 7 months since I saw my FL for after 34 years. We live close to 2,000 miles apart and have agreed that’s probably a good thing. We met up at a reunion, spoke a good deal together in the afternoon, night, and shared a few dances together, one in each other’s arms. Nothing more happened than that other than the tremendous energy and immediate warmth you feel for your FL and being reunited. That dance we shared, unbeknownst to us at the time, a friend videoed and sent us. It’s been a treasured keepsake of ours ever since. While conversations have gone up and down due to life’s experiences with our own spouses and families, we are still in constant touch during the week via phone, email and text. I’m not sure but I don’t think we’ll see each other until the fall when another reunion is planned. I’m nervous about the feelings it will create when I actually see him and how strong they will be. I don’t see an end in sight, in my life, about how I feel about this man I”ve known since I was 16. Part of me doesn’t mind that at all and part of me asks, “how does my brain keep this up”? He’s on my mind all the time. It’s amazing, isn’t it, for those of us who are experiencing this? Simply just blows me away, the power of it all.

  10. STACEY ALLAM says:

    missinghim do your spouses know that you’ve been speaking how long have you been married? Is it a happy marriage? is his a happy marriage?

  11. K says:

    It’ll send u into a world wind! I know exactly what u are dealing with! It kills!

  12. STACEY ALLAM says:

    in my case there was plenty of sex drugs and rock and roll in our relationship it was 1977 and we were very independent enterprising teens it was love at first site and we were very happy till he started getting scared about the future and did not want to be tied down to just one person he told me he wanted to take someonelse to his prom and go away to college and wanted to sleep with others he made himself look and feel better about it by constantly telling me how honest he was being when he contacted me on facebook a few years ago he went right back into he was being honest I felt like I was back being 17 years old in 1978 and not in a good way

  13. STACEY ALLAM says:

    hey everyone theres some great advice on having affairs and thinking that he will leave his wife or girlfriend for you on a site called baggage reclaim look it up

  14. Don't Do It says:

    missinghim, I know exactly what you’re talking about. It is amazing and life altering and very overwhelming.

    I remember the feeling of all those years disappearing. The first time I heard his voice on the phone I was telling him things I didn’t even realize about my life and my marriage. It was just like there was no time in between the conversations we used to have (hours and hours every night before we went to sleep) and now. There was nothing I couldn’t tell him then and there wasn’t anything I didn’t feel like I could tell him now.

    Be very careful though. I’m still not sure if the trust I have in my FL is well placed or not but I’m starting to think a little more about it. I couldn’t think about it before. It was like there was no filter between my heart and what was coming out of my mouth.

    I’ve been thinking about it a lot over the last few days. He was an innocent boy back then with none of life experiences that change us all into slightly different people. Those experiences change some people tremendously so I am just worried that maybe the memory of who he was is all there is left. The boy he was doesn’t exist anymore. I’m not sure yet. Just some second thoughts I’m having on the entire situation.

  15. loveloveatfirstsight says:

    I knew my first love when I was first yr in university, we both student but in the other town, I’m Chinese n he is Indian. That was my first time who experience physical sex. He kept sending me email all those yrs with a short message, I back to hk after graduation, I ‘ve always waiting for him to come n visit me all these yrs n he never show up, I end up marry already with a 2yrs boy, last winter I back to Canada n had kept thinking give him I call but I withheld it since I am telling myself I already a mom. However, after I back to hk I just miss him v much n I make a brave move to give him a call. We talked over for an hour. I was so exciting n butterfly is all over my place. He never get marry or had any relationship after all, we had promised to marry each other N I dunno what to do, he still ask me to marry him

  16. inverydeep says:

    When I was 15 I was madly in love with my high school boyfriend, but my parents did not approve and we were broken up in a rather traumatic way. And now, over 30 years later, we have reconnected and almost instantly my feelings returned. It was overwhelming and wonderful and scary. And the same thing happened to him. While I was already divorced, he is still in a bad marriage, so we have not made any decisions beyond getting to know each other again by writing back and forth (we live 1000 apart).

    But the other overwhelming thing is the desire and sexual attraction that I feel, even from 1000 miles away. We gave our virginity to each other, so I was wondering if that had something to do with it, and now reading about “imprinting” makes these incredible feelings make more sense. Even though after we were broken up I went on to have a 25 year marriage, I never forgot about him.

    I don’t know what the future holds, but I am thrilled to have him back in my life.

  17. A says:

    K I know what you are taking about my first love found me on facebook and we have reconnect. His mother is what kept us apart. But anyway the connections is unreal I told my mother I didn’t know it was possible to really be in love that young but we were and are. I have never felt a love like this other than with my children.
    Yes we have obstacles to overcome b4 we are truly together too. Good luck girls

  18. Daiyana says:

    After 32 years I meet up with my FL at my nephew wedding night recently. I am married have two grown up children. We live almost 2000 miles away….. Family members told me he is coming for the wedding dinner. Thats fine with me….after all we are only child hood friend. On that night while I am sitting suddenly I saw from far, a friend of us bring him to our table….. Oh there he comes…. I introduce him to my hubby & children. He ask me to take a photo with him, so agreed. He hold my shoulder quite tight. Then we get back to our table….after a while, I walk through his table looking for my sisters, suddenly he grap my hand and saying it has been more than 30 years we didn see each other. I was like….oh ok……Then he say our photo we took just now is not clear, can we take again…. But I refused….. At the end of the dinner, we chit chat, shake hands, he hold my hand so tight and I pull away….. and we call it a night. After coming back home, I only knew that me and him werent having a happy marriage. My hubby is a womaniser, I have been struggling to hold on to our marriage until in 2011 we split but yet to divorce cos I refused to agree. As for him, his wife is a materialistic woman…..they have been saperated for many years but not divorce… It seems like both me & him is hiding from each other about the reality of our marriage….. I have been pretending as if I am having a happy marriage but the truth only known by my children, my mum & my siblings….. 🙁

  19. dunkindonuts says:

    I agree with angela it was not right that she trapped adam into marrying her if that is indeed what your wife adam or maybe it was just an accident or something

  20. Mac says:

    So if said old love is single never married and so am I, does that mean just go for it? Is the only point of consideration current partner??

  21. WILLIAM says:

    Mac says:

    November 13, 2014 at 7:40 pm

    So if said old love is single never married and so am I, does that mean just go for it? Is the only point of consideration current partner??

    [I would say just go for it. However, I wouldn’t say that “current partner” is the ONLY consideration. You need to look at where you are in your respective lives. People have their own “routines” as they age. Can you “fit” your FL into your life as it now stands? Will you have to adjust things “somewhat” or “very much”? And, have either or both of you changed too much to really make it work? Also, what are your relationship goals? (For example, what if you want a family…can you have that with your FL at this point?)

    Having said all that, I’m inclined to say “go for it” though! Because you are actually getting A SECOND CHANCE (How rare is that?). BUT, I don’t know you’re particular situation, Mac (perhaps you could share more of the details with myself/others on here).]

  22. Teddy says:

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  23. lost sos 85 says:

    How do you tear yourself away from 9 years of life one where you thought you had it all but wasn’t truly happy.. relationships have its ups and downs but you make it work if you know you’ve got somthing good especially if there are kids involved. I’ve split with my partner of 9 years due to the fact my LL contacted me 4 months ago and we have spoken every day sinces! It’s been so hard so emotional.. so many mixed emotions! It’s put me in the worst place of my life right now! (Apart from 13 years ago when I lost my LL) we met once five years ago and I ended it because of my family! We met last Saturday and things went alot further than they did five years ago and that’s why I ended my 9 year relationship plus the fact me and my ex were having a few problems! It’s took 4 months for me to make what I thought was the life changing decision in meeting with my LL. Never been so scared about anything in my life! Before my LL contacted me I was happy but having normal relationship problems. I’ve been so lost with all of this I now even believe I don’t love my ex in the same way as I used to before my LL contacted.. I miss my life before because I grew proud of my family. This whole situation as put me in a point in life where I thought I’d never be again after ending it five years ago.. Despite always thinking of him missing certain things the hurt and memories of my LL. I’ve told my LL I need time and we agreed 3 months. I need to be able to think straight and feel me again what ever that means. I think of my LL daily every second of every day but why do I love him or is I the situation I’m in that’s hurting. When I met my LL last Saturday we took a few photos I have them hidden in my phone and can’t bring myself to delete them. I still have a poem he write me five years ago. I even have a bounty chocolate bar from last Saturday what he gave me.. still sat in my fridge! I feel I don’t want to let go it hurts to think about letting go. It hurts thinking about letting my life before my LL go!! Never been so confused never been so lost in life like I am right now.. I’m physically drained with all of it!! X

  24. lost sos 85 says:

    @missinghim I’m going through a similar situation.. and now I feel like my whole life has been turned up side down my head and my heart is a constant drain with mixed emotions so much confusion.. and if your like me and your the only person along with your LL knows about this!! its even worse knowing youve no one to talk to or turn to no one to give you advice its torments you every second of each day.. ifyou have a family think before you race along with these feelings you think you feel for your LL.I know deep down if I was single when he contacted me there would be no stopping us.. but it didn’t stop us from going further than what we did when we met just the once five years ago so it’s alot more complicated than what it once we’re.. The guilt that comes after.. the feeling like you failed your self because you did what you thought you’d never do while having family and partner of 9 years!! It’s been rollercoster of a ride which I’m still riding and it’s no where near Finnished!!

  25. lost sos 85 says:

    First day of the no contact thing! We haven’t blocked each other as that’s I rule he didn’t want.. so I can actually see of he is on line! It’s no going so well as I find my self sitting staring at a blank screen knowing he right there but not been able to say a things. I need this time I know I do.. so I need to stay strong!!

  26. CherBear says:

    Here is my story thus far. I broke up with my first love when I started college. We dated 3 years in high school and was engaged even. I had to make a decision so young to let him go as he was drinking as most of us were but was headed downhill it seemed and I lost my trust in him to give me a good life…he scared me. I broke his heart and felt that guilt most of my life as he took it so hard and this was 1974. I am 59 and he is 60. I moved back to my homestate for 4 years and was divorced the last 3 of them. I had facebooked him but he never got it he said 2 years ago. A classmate called me who knew him and told me if I wished him a happy 60th birthday that day that that would make his day. She said he was pining for me and never let go of me and since I was back in our homestate that he was really thinking a lot of me. He wasn’t sure if I was divorced at first but then learned in last few months I was divorced as he was 15 yrs earlier from his marriage. So, I wasn’t so sure if I should open a can of worms or not as I didn’t want to hurt him twice or me either. Curiousity killed the cat and so I texted him happy birthday and he texted back saying ‘is this for real’? He thought it was prank by his friends at first. I said back, ‘no, its figment of your imagination’ ha”. He then called me and we talked for 2 hours like it was yesterday. We then decided to meet and so I met him at his farm as I wanted to see it as that was to be our home if married when young. You have to understand its been 40 years…yep, 40 years and so he looked a bit broken down but he recognized me right away and said I was beautiful. I looked in his eyes and saw my first love. We talked and talked about everything from 5 pm until 5 am. We didn’t want to stop. We have talked on phone since then for 5 hours today and never even noticed how much time went by. I decided to tell him what I envisioned my future of retirement I wanted and what I expected out of any relationship before we went any further right up front. I told him not to take it wrong but why even start something if we wanted different things. It was a little awkward but at this stage of my life I know what I want and don’t want. I told him to think really hard about that before continuing. It kind of scared him and I agreed he should be scared and me too to go to the next step. This man loves me to the core as I can see it and it feels like home. Let me say this about it…dating at this age someone you never met and I have 3 or 4 times it is difficult to get to know their last 59 years and who they are and none worked out. But, with my first love, I knew him when younger and had a history with him. I knew who he was and he seems to be the same man I let go but the difference is he is done being wild like when young and settled down. I’m not sure where this is going to go but I do know this. I am jumping in with both feet to find out as I already have love feelings for him and have always cared about him. I would check how he was doing and what he was doing from time to time during that 40 years. I even worried about him. He was finding online any information he could about me also. We are going to give this a try. The only thing I said before we go on is this time I want this to end on positive note no matter what happens. We are grown, wiser, and know it may or may not work but that we are the only 2 in this world who can say we know what we felt and we want to rekindle it if we can. I pray we can but in saying that, I am being realistic. Pray for us as I feel we are ‘home with each other’ and who better to grow old with now at our age than your first love who loved each other more than any other love in our life since. I wrote this to share our story. Good luck all. My only advice is open your eyes, open your heart, broaden your expectations and go for it. If you are married as I have read when rekindling it probably wont work as the guilt will devour you. Do what we did…get a divorce because you don’t want to be married and then if it happens so be it. Another thing I told him is we probably would have been divorced as many others are now after a high school/college first loves that married soon out of school. So, I said maybe it was blessing we never married and found each other now when we have lived our life long enough to be wiser and secure enough to attempt this. We’ll see how it plays out. I do know this. If I never tried or he we wouldn’t be living our journey of life or our dreams. Amen!! 🙂

  27. CherBear says:

    I wanted to say one more thing. Being my age of 59 and reuniting with my lost love at age 18 goes to show all of you younger ones that best test of love is time and as you see 40 years, 30 years…it doesn’t matter. They will always be your first love and feel the same so do the right thing and get out of a marriage if not happy for that reason only. If you get out because of an affair of any kind or your lost love affair, then you have to deal with so much pain of doing so. It will be harder to make it work. I’m not saying it won’t work but the way I am doing it became natural and not forced. I didn’t plan it. It happened thru friends. I know how it feels being married and wanting someone, but I also went thru the divorce and wiser for it. Him and I only have each other to worry about going into this which is hard enough. if married and divorcing there is so much pain and anger to deal with and you need to heal before going on. I know as I tried hurrying a relationship right after divorce and now I know it was a mistake. I talked to myself saying its not a rebound but it was. Now, a year later I stumble upon my lost love. I am home. If you want a chance do it right. I am proving it doesn’t matter if you have to wait…your first love will be there most likely if it is meant to be. I still don’t know that answer yet, but I do know I am doing it the right way this time. I still see the young man I loved so much and he sees me the young woman I was when we fell in love with each other. Wow is all I can say and more than I could ever hope for at this age. Thanks for listening.

  28. CherBear says:

    I will give an update in awhile. I hope I can share good news and aspire to you younger ones or even us old ones that think life passed us by. It never is too late.

  29. Omar Rodriguez says:

    All of these crazy stories, so how do people like us get help?

    When I use my logical mind all sign point to NO….but when I start thinking with my heart….all signs say go for it!!

    We had so much baggage and hurt and the few times I reconneceted with FL, things would be great and then we would slip into the negative cycle of the issues that we faced.

    Is it worth to put in the time to attempt to work it out, hoping that it will work out? This of course will cost me my current relationship where things are good, but I dont have that intense feeling like I do with my FL..BTW this is a male’s perspective.

    Any thoughts, advice, guidance for people that have done this? Thanks.

  30. Ms 80's says:

    Hi all. I read the above; and I must admit I am no different, only that I have written our story from 1980/1. LL and I met when we were in our 20’s and both young, silly and free. “They were only together for one night; but loved enough for a life-time… (no sex)” – well this is true. We still have a deep connection and bond that has never been broken.
    I never forgot him; and wondered over the years what had happened to him. Apparently he never forgot me either. Thanks to a powerful and great collection of 80’s music (and probably a deep longing); I put myself out there in 2015 to find LL. I found him online via social media. He was so happy to find me as well. We have chatted online since June 2015.
    The flame never died; but burned slow and deep for years for both of us. LL is going through a lot of family and ex issues right now. We have not met up again yet; but after his “war” is over maybe. So I am only to happy to wait; and be there when he needs me. We are not back together; but have sworn never to lose each-other again. Ms 80’s.

  31. Stilllovehim says:

    Have been reading this board for a few days and am thankful for the stories . I have felt so alone and don’t know where to start but here goes. My FL was my high school boyfriend. He was a football star and I was a twirler. He was an awesome kind and charming type and I adored him . He left for college and we or he decided we shouldn’t go steady anymore. I had worn his ring around my neck almost 3 years . Shortly after college began he was drafted and went to Vietnam. After which he did career Army. I haven’t seen him in 50 years this year. Recently he contacted me through fb and you can bet I was stunned and so excited to see his face again and have a chance to communicate. He actually did call me back in 1991 to say hello but I was in the middle of a lot and didn’t really get to talk. I wish he would have called me years ago and I wish I would have kept up with him. We have both been married twice and are doing fine with families and grandchildren etc. He lives far away meaning a few states. We have had some wonderful conversation
    mostly texting and tales on the phone a few times. I feel as though I have
    Been hit by a Tidal wave. I think about him all the time and at times have found it difficult to even function . I have been up one day and a little down
    Other times because I have no idea how I can continue with
    him always on my mind. I never forgot him and realize now he was the one I love the most. I think if we had another go at it we would be great together but we are both older and there is no way now I can see. I am hoping to be
    Able to figure out a way to continue and find a place where we can be friends. In order to do this I must feel like just a friend. This is not how I feel !! I want to see him and talk to him in person if only once . I have t heard from him in a few days and know he loves me the same
    I don’t want to loose contact and yet I know I don’t want to hurt him or his family or my own family that I love. This is painful but yet I
    am caught in a place of being so thankful to finally
    know why I have struggled and who holds my heart

  32. WILLIAM says:


    Welcome! This board has helped me so much, and I hope it can help you as well.

    “I feel as though I have
    Been hit by a Tidal wave. I think about him all the time and at times have found it difficult to even function . I have been up one day and a little down
    Other times because I have no idea how I can continue with
    him always on my mind. I never forgot him and realize now he was the one I love the most.”

    [W: That was me…too a tee! Except it’s a “her” who had my world completely turned upside down. After we first reconnected, I couldn’t work much and could barely function. But now, nearly 3 years later, it is gradually getting more manageable. There’s still the “up/down rollercoaster” (I’m not sure that’ll ever subside)…but I don’t get WAY DOWN quite as much.]

    “I think if we had another go at it we would be great together but we are both older and there is no way now I can see. I am hoping to be
    Able to figure out a way to continue and find a place where we can be friends. In order to do this I must feel like just a friend. This is not how I feel !!”

    [W: This part really describes some of the things that I am continuously dealing with. I had been constantly struggling with “that friend place” with respect to my FL. On the one hand, I needed to know that she was OK from afar (just on Facebook)…just to have some idea what was happening in her life. But then sometimes that meant getting too close…and when I’d see certain pics of her with her family…or when I’d read something kind of personal… Well then, at those times, some of those things would just be DAGGERS to my heart and soul !! It was a trade-off, but one that I just have to maintain. And though I’ve almost put her on block at times, I’m glad that I have just let things be. I NEED to keep her in my life in some way, no matter how painful…because she is a part of me. It is what it is, but it has allowed us to be there for each other in a special way recently (as we encounter some of the toughest struggles in life).]

    “This is painful but yet I
    am caught in a place of being so thankful to finally
    know why I have struggled and who holds my heart”

    [W: Thank you for this! Seeing those words phrased that way “mirrors” what I have felt about this whole FL/LL reconnection! It has helped me figure things out in my life. And through all the pain, I have finally learned about love…and my FL is one of the main vehicles that has guided this journey…even though she isn’t “mine” in the traditional sense!]

  33. Confused says:

    Are you the same William who is also posts occasionally on Dr. Rob’s other First Love blog?

    Does anyone still read this? Looks like no one has posted here for months.

  34. Naria Ortiz says:

    I would like to find my first and the only love but my story is full of so much
    pain ,it was either i died or he died so i was left in a home filled with violence,
    abuse of every kind and he probably hates me for not telling him about the pain and hurt in my home growing up. his name is Pedro Arroyo and my name was Maria Gonzalez I never married because my heart is still broken and I think about him everyday. I know
    no one can take my place in his heart and same for me, I love you Peter and I am sorry I could not let anyone hurt you so I took the pain for both of us.
    Maria Ortiz

  35. WILLIAM says:

    Are you the same William who is also posts occasionally on Dr. Rob’s other First Love blog?

    Does anyone still read this? Looks like no one has posted here for months.”

    [W: Confused, yes that’s me. I have been wanting to post more often on the other blog, but have really been swamped lately. I usually don’t post much on this part…in fact, I made my above post (on Feb.25) by mistake!! (lol) I thought that it was headed for the other blog, but then realized afterward that the post I had been replying to was actually on here, the “revisited” blog. You are right, there is never really much traffic over here in this section!]

  36. Another FL victim! says:

    Hi all, I wanted to firstly say thank you for all the posts and ‘normalising’ what I am currently going through.
    My story – I am 51 and was with my FL at 16 for 3 years and engaged. He was posted (army) and then one thing let to another and we separated. We never lost contact and have always stayed connected through emails and texts. He has never hid the fact that I am his one and only love. He married and so did I. We both have children and I am now a widow. Recently, our conversations led to meeting, which we’ve done. Nothing happened as my kids were home. The sexual tension between us is indescribable and until now has only been online.
    He has always stated that he married on the rebound and has never been in love with his wife, has never stopped loving me and always talked about leaving once they all left home. The last is about to leave the home, but he says he is staying with his wife as he ‘needs to honour that commitment’ Despite this I cannot stay away and we text constantly day and night.
    He continues to talk and suggest ‘if only things were different’ he would be with me but he is the only one that can change this. I know what I SHOULD do, but the love I have is so strong I can’t stop. I am about to spend a weekend with him, which will be the first time with someone as I have been on my own almost 5 years. I know I shouldn’t and I keep thinking it will be just the once but, will it??
    Will spending time with him help him to decide what to do long term or will he just break my heart? Is his love strong enough to walk from a loveless marriage so we can be together again and can I walk away after spending the weekend with him??
    So many unanswered questions – and although you all might say don’t see him, and I know that I shouldn’t and all the reasons why, there is something that overrides all the logic and drives me crazy!!

  37. Hi, I have been reading many articles on the web about different scenerios of reuniting with your first love. As I read these articles, I am finding out that this is a very common occurrence. My story starts 35 years ago I was 16 and he he was 18. We were working at a YCC Camp. That summer it was pretty obvious that there was a strong attraction on both parties. I will never ever forget that summer we were together after camp maybe two or three months. We always talked on the phone constantly. But my mother would never allow me to see him. So one day on the phone we were talking and my mother got really upset she really did not care for my boyfriend and made me get off the phone with him. Later like that night I got put on restriction. And I was told that I needed to break it off with him and never speak to him again. I was devastated. This was my true true love. I cried and cried for days, I even Contemplated running away. I made that phone call, and you couldn’t hear a pin drop on the other end of the line. He didn’t understand what was going on ,he was confused, and devastated as well. Couple weeks ago I was cleaning out drawers. I came across some old photos. Some of the photos were from the camp. I had one picture of us on a balcony holding each other ever so tight . We were young, and in love, our eyes sparkled. I looked at that picture and all of the memories came back. I put the photos away. As I was cleaning I kept thinking about that photo, and remembering what we had. Later on in the day I decided that I would get on Facebook. I knew his full name first middle and last. So I then looked them up, and he was the first one that I found with that name .I went and requested him to be a friend. And within about 30 minutes or so he accepted. We talked on Facebook for a while. Asking about each other’s lives where did we go what had happened. He asked me how come I never contacted him before now. I told him I didn’t no but I thought about him always. He said he never understood why we broke up. He told me that he was in love with me back then. He was really confused and was very upset that we had broken up. It’s been about two weeks and we’ve been talking nonstop.On the phone, texting, and on Facebook. We have exchanged pictures. We’ve talked about H others Pastin what led up to this point where we were at in our lives. He claims that he has never stopped loving me . He wants us to means he is coming up here to where I live in about three weeks. I’m not sure what to do or how to handle this. But I know like these last few weeks have just it’s just been incredible. It doesn’t feel like 35 years later. I feel like on that 16-year-old girl and he is that 18-year-old boy. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing by meeting him. I am in a marriage and we are OK we’re not in a bad marriage. However, He is they are just pretty much roommates he does his thing she does hers. The only reason they are together is because they have one child still left in the nest. He tells me every day that we were meant to be together and that we will be together and that is not going to let me go This time. Does anybody have any advice? Is this all on my hand, is this fantasy, or is this real and is there really a chance that we can rekindle our love and be together. Hopeless


  38. Carla says:

    Have the most recent posts disappeared? Can someone tell me why I am getting only the old posts? I have posted as recent as October this year and cannot see them anymore, none of them. Thanks.

    Moderator: all posts are here, unless they were considered irrelevant or abusive. Dr Rob commented below on this.

  39. Anonymous says:

    Hi Carla

    There is another comments thread people use. Look under Shrink Talk then to the right of the page under popular posts pick the first ‘reuniting with first love…..’ that’s where everyone is x